Poop has never looked so delicious. Not that I would know. Just saying these Poop Emoji Chocolate Covered Oreos look yummy. Chewy and gooey and comes out your butt all Ewwww-y! So they go from poop to poop. Hey, have you been eating my cookies? No? Really? Then what’s with that poop eating grin? Ah, so many poop jokes so much constipation.
Tag: humor
Fishermen Find Dead Werewolf In River
The story goes that two fishermen were out fishing when they discovered a werewolf corpse, lying in the shallow water. Here’s what I think happened:
I think there were 3 fishermen. One went to the edge of the woods to take a dump cuz that’s what you do, and you stay on the edge of the woods cuz the woods is scary. So he dropped his pants and so he wouldn’t get killed by a strange beast, took a dump facing the forest. One of the other 2 fishermen, unbeknownst to all, was a werewolf. This guy happened to look over at his friend who was making like a hershey factory, saw his full moon and transformed into a werewolf. A werewolf who was so distraught at seeing such a hairy ass in such an act, committed suicide right there by drowning.
Now isn’t that far more likely?
via Freaklore
Helicopter Checks Out UFO Over Los Angeles
In other news, this UFO was recently spotted over LA, looking like a giant Disco ball. Some helicopters came and circled it for awhile too. The disco ball telepathically sent this message “We come to see your Bee-Gees. Your platform shoes. And the funk!” Sadly, no Bee-Gees were present, so the army wrangled up Justin Beiber. The best they could do on short notice. “This is the best we can offer you in this era!” a scientist shouted into a megaphone, while Beiber began to sing. Witnesses say that they heard the telepathic drone of a thousand beings committing mass suicide before the Disco ball faded into nothingness.
The invasion will begin shortly.
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Hell On Wheels – Zombie Killer Bike Badge
This is a Zombie Killer Bike Badge. I’ve been trying to earn one all day by mowing down pedestrians, but I guess I live in a zombie-free neighborhood. There was one old lady who had sores on her mouth who was shambling like the undead, and I thought for sure she was a zombie, but nope. Just a case of the herp and dementia. Then I realized I could just buy the badge. Boy is my face red. Also the front of my bike. Very red. And the streets.
Alien Invasion Resistance Manual
Don’t be caught off guard when the bum-plungers come in the dead of night to do their crazy experiments on you. Be prepared. The Alien Invasion Resistance Manual will prepare you. Know your enemy. Know your rights! Is it legal under galactic law to travel billions of light years and probe some Earthlings rectum? I have no idea, but I’m hoping this book tells me the answer, cuz I can’t afford an alien lawyer.
In true Haynes style, the Alien Invasion Resistance Manual aims to demonstrate how with the right knowledge, training and a substantial reel of aluminum foil, the concerned citizen can really hit ET where it hurts. You can protect your home and family from mind-bending abductions, you can ensure that you remain free of any sinister implants and you can determine which shape-shifting lizards are working to take over society. Accompanied by illustrations, maps, diagrams and step-by-step instructions, this resistance manual will be essential reading for those interested in protecting the planet from alien invaders.
– Discover the truth about aliens and how they have already infiltrated Earth
– Learn the real story behind the Roswell crash, Area 51 and terrifying facts about alien abductions
– Read about the alien species that threaten us -from the DNA-hungry Greys to the shape shifting Draconian reptiles
– Become an Extra-terrestrial Prepper – trained and ready to defend our planet
– Create an abduction ‘safe room’ in your home and learn how to fight alien invaders
– A comprehensive analysis of alien invasion strategies and how humanity can defeat them
– A complete blueprint to the defending of our Solar System
– Plus hundreds of new uses for aluminum foil