Tag: jewelry

Pill Necklace

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Pill Necklace
Here, I got you this cool Pill necklace. What, you don’t like it? Oh, don’t be a pill! Don’t worry, it didn’t cost much. I got it from DesignerDrugJewelery who makes all kinds of pharma-cessories. I saved up my money for a prozac bracelet. It’s drugs that you can wear as jewelry. Hang on, starting to feel freaky. Just need a little nip. *Licks my bracelet all over.* That’s better.

Actually all of the pills are sealed in resin so it’s safe. I just lick it hoping that one day I’ll break that barrier. I bet all the big pharmaceutical people are wearing this stuff. The pills in this one are called Protonix. It’s a treatment for an esophagus acid irritation.

*Sighs* If we all wore our drugs as jewelry I would look like Mr. T. trapped in my own necklace mound.

Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace

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Etched Copper Garden Spider NecklaceYou know why I don’t garden? Well, aside from the fact that everything I touch dies, did you know there are spiders outside? True story. And everyone knows that when a spider touches you, you feel all icky and weird. I don’t need any of that jazz. I wish they were all as cool as this Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace. It’s awesome cuz it doesn’t move and is already dead.

A spider as a fashion accessory? Yeah! On the bottom of my shoe! Hahahaha! Am I right? *Reaches blindly for high five. Feels a hairy tarantula hand slap me.* Is there a giant spider behind me? Yeah, I’m just gonna run and scream now. Like a human police car. Running and screaming. That’s me. *Radio static* All cars. We have a 519 in progress. *Radio static.* I’m on the case! *Peels out and runs like hell.* A 519 is a giant spider behind you. I’m out!
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Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant

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Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant
Nothing says love like a Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant. I love you. Here have some dead maggots. Because you wiggled your way into my rotting heart like a hungry maggot on a piece of meat that had been left out in the sun. And you just kept feeding on me… Our love is kinda weird.

Yeah, I should totally write greeting cards. And because I care enough to send the very best to those that I love, I’m getting this pendant for a very special lady. Maybe she will be my maggot queen. When I kiss her, she will turn into a fly. And that’s gonna be really annoying, cuz she’s gonna land on my food and stuff, so I’m gonna have to smack her with the flyswatter! Love is eternal sure, but don’t land on the filthy toilet seat with your fly legs and then land on my dinner!

Gothic Skull Ring

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Gothic Skull Ring
This Gothic Skull Ring is pretty awesome. It looks like it is coming alive all 3D like. That’s pretty scary. Not as scary as that time I had a grease fire trying to make my own deep friend Snickers bars and tried to put it out with a gallon of water, but still. That reminds me, my eyebrows still aren’t growing back. I guess I’ll be leaving the house as angry-sharpie-brow guy again today. At least it keeps other humans from interacting with me.

Sterling Silver Skull Bullet Poison Pendant

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Sterling Silver Skull Bullet Poison Pendant
You guys and gals are helping to make this here blog number one with a bullet and I appreciate that. So here’s the world’s deadliest and scariest bullet. Any bullet with a skull on top is some serious shizz yall. But you don’t put this in an equally evil looking gun. You wear this Sterling Silver Skull Bullet Poison Pendant around your neck. Maybe to remind yourself that bullets don’t kill people, it’s the skull on top of the bullet that kills people. Cuz getting hit by that would be all kinds of nasty. I cry when I get hit with a spongy Nerf bullet. Gonna have to write an angry letter to the NRA(Nerf Rifle Association) about that. Anyhow, bite the bullet and put this cool pendant around your neck.
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