Tag: jewelry

Black Octopus Victorian Style Pocket Watch Necklace

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Black Octopus Victorian Style Pocket Watch
It’s always tentacle time when you wear this Black Octopus Victorian Style Pocket Watch Necklace around your neck. Is it ten-tacle past five yet? I have an important appointment. Funny behind the scenes fact: At first I typed “I have an impotent appointment.” But that isn’t true. I can assure you that everything is working fine here. I repeat I AM NOT seeing a wiener doctor because my Ballpark frank is stuck in cocktail weenie mode. Glad we could clear that up.

So anyway, this is a sweet ass pocket watch with an octopus. That you can wear around your neck. Pry open those tentacles and you get to see the time even. We live in an amazing time. I mean, hell, doctors these days can cure anything- No, I didn’t mean- Trust me, I’m all good down there. But if I wasn’t, it would only happen that one time. Perfectly normal!
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Edgar Allan Pendant, I Mean Edgar Allan Poe

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Edgar Allan Pendant, I Mean Edgar Allan Poe
Have you ever seen a cooler Edgar Allan Poe Pendant? No you haven’t. Poe-lease! He was quite the ladies man so I’m sure he won’t mind nestling into your bosom as you go about your business, his head swinging around. What I’m saying is that your cleavage is the pit and he is the pendulum. Heh. That was just a little literary joke.

Is it just me or does he look like he belongs in the Addams family? I think I read somewhere that he is a member of the Addams family, but they left him in the Lurch! Still, that’s better than being left to Fester! Ha. I crack myself up. And thanks to the safety of the internet, you can’t throw rotten vegetables at me. I win again!

Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks

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Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks
These Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks will come in handy during special occasions. You want cufflinks that say, “You farted and even my accessories know it.” I was gonna wear some classy cufflinks, but once I looked at the gas list guest list and saw how many serial farters were attending this little shindig, I knew I had to be prepared with the proper wrist accessories.

You’ll notice that they go well with the full sized gas mask I’m wearing on my head. You got a fan in here? You might want to turn that baby on and crank it up to 11. Smells like somebody wrapped a dead body in old cheese.
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Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones

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Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones
Etsy seller MordauntesCoffinGems sells all kinds of Jewelry With Coffin Shaped Gemstones. They are dead pretty! So pretty that you will want to bury them in your jewelry box. Fun fact: I want to be buried while suspended within a coffin shaped piece of amber, so future generations of humans that look like aliens can dig me up and bring me back to life by using my DNA. Which also stands for Do Not Aggravate me. I hope they don’t piss me off. They’ll create a whole park where I can roam and where visitors can watch me in my habitat. Yay! Jurassic Me!

But you know they’re just gonna do something to tick me off. Then I’ll have to run wild on all of the evolved alien folk. Those are gonna be some sweet times!

Crow Claw Necklace

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Crow Claw Necklace
This Crow Claw Necklace is cast from the real thing and ready to claw it’s way into your heart. Do you see those talons? I’m calling it the Freddy Kreuger bird from now on. I say you guys get this necklace and I’ll get one, then we meet at my place and play that crane game. We’ll all stand over a bunch of stuffed animals and prizes, then bend down and see if we can grab the stuff with our claw necklaces. Deal? I didn’t rig the game! Stuffs just slippery!