Did you poop today? Me either. I’ve been told I need more roughage than what is traditionally in a Hot Pocket sauteed in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. But when I do poop next, I am totally going to match that poo with one of these awesome turd brooches and wear that Cleveland Steamer with pride.
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Tag: jewelry
Keester Necklace: The Ultimate Acc-Ass-Ory
The Keester. Otherwise known as the ass, booty, buttocks, backside, rump, meat seat, tail, cheeks, fanny, buns, the ole juice caboose, or the gluteus maximus. No matter what you call it, twerking would be nothing without it. Now you can wear one on your neck. Above your cleavage. Which also looks like a butt.
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Autopsy Necklace: I Don’t Think It Was Natural Causes
At last! Jewelry for coroners. This autopsy necklace doesn’t yield any clues about the cause of death. It just sort of hangs on your chest and shows that you aren’t afraid to wear some internal organs around your neck.
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Maggot Necklace
When you love her enough to give her jewelry, give her something she will remember. Like a Maggot Necklace. If you can’t afford the $17 to buy one, just leave some meat outside in the heat and wait. When the maggots show up, all wiggly and nasty, capture one. Stab it and put a chain through it’s body. Then you have a nasty maggot necklace. Your welcome.
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Jewelry With Bite: Denture Bracelet
Bah! Back in my day a loaf of bread was a nickel if you could get to the store in bare feet, without contracting the palsy on the way or getting sidetracked running errands for Edison or Tesla. Why I- Get off my lawn you iPhone loving hipster kids! Who took my dentures?
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