Tag: monster

6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure

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nosferatu figure
Nosferatu, why don’t you come to your senses? You been out ridin’ fences for so long now… This 6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure scares the hell out of me. He looks like some squirrels nibbled on his ears. Apparently those glass eyes light up when you plug a 9-volt battery in, insuring nightmares for all. Only $700.

Also, check out those bags under his eyes. Dude needs more sleep. This is exactly what you will look like with this crazy freaky thing in your home. Say goodbye to sleep forever. Stop looking at me! I feel like he’s gonna make ferret-sucking type noises with those teeth.
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Four-Eyed Hairy Monster Picture Frame

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monster picture frame
Put a picture of your loved one in this Four-Eyed Hairy Monster Picture Frame and all four of it’s eyes will stare at the picture, making it a super creepy and awkward gift, since it will look like this thing is ready to devour them.

It’s like some hippy Tribble LSD experiment with four eyes and no mouth. Hey, Starfleet has it’s dark secrets just like our government. Theirs just tend to be more high tech and freakish. I bet this is their work. Probably ended with Ferengi genitals being attacked by this thing while some Redshirts try to pry it off.
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Frankenstein Flowerpots

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frankenstein flower pot
It’s alive! It’s alive with flowers! This Frankenstein Flowerpot is pretty much what it would look like if the villagers with torches and pitchforks buried Franky in the ground up to his neck. Naturally they hollowed out his skull and used it as a flowerpot, because that’s what you do when a freakish monster shows up in your village.

Or you can do like my wife did. Take one for the village and marry the monster. Feed it tasteless gruel. And when it asks for sex, ignore it and sneer. Soon it will lose the will to live. *sighs* Such is marriage. I-Am-Not-A-Monster!

Crazy Demonic Succubus Barbie Doll Made With Cat Bones

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

succubus demon barbie
I always knew that Barbie was a demon spawn from hell, bent on ruining the lives and the credit scores of those she touches with her fiery demon heart. Sorry, was talking about my ex Barbie, who is also a succubus. No, this doll actually looks much friendlier.

According to the seller this Barbie is named “Lacertia and she comes from the planet Nocturnia, a magnetic colossal asteroid. When she isn’t shopping, she is destroying other worlds with a smile on her face!”

See, now I’m confused, because it sounds like the demon I knew.

This doll was modified using Bobcat bones, with cat bones in her wings and scythe. It’s like the Grim Reaper is a little girl and this is the toy that daddy Reaper conjured up for her. This doll probably lives in the Malibu Nightmare house and sleeps in a cocoon of Ken’s skin.
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Frankenstein Chair With Hands

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frankenstein chair
Sit down and relax awhile in this Frankenstein Chair With Hands. Cuz that’s how Franky walks. Get it? With his arms stretched out, big man hands flapping all over the place?

It looks pretty comfy as far as Franken-furniture goes. I don’t know though. I’m holding out for a full living room set that includes a Dracula love seat and a Wolfman pelt rug. This chair does go with anything though. These monsters are universal. Get it? That’s a little movie humor. I’m awesome like that.