Tag: morbid

Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch

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taxidermy mouse pocket watch
Check it out mouseketeers. It’s a genuine Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch, all floating there like a rodent Timelord, cranking up the gears of time, like he’s riding some rat bike into infinity and beyond. He’s probably playing the Doctor Who music in his head, squinting as he concentrates his mind powers.

Back…Back…Time…Space…Back to a time before Justin Bieber and Jar Jar Binks. Then when his little gears and levers reach 88 miles per hour this watch burns a hole in some hipster’s pocket and the mouse is off to put right what once went wrong. Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

*Blue energy everywhere. Pew pew! Crackle! Flash!* Cue Quantum Leap music.

OH BOY!
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Basket Full Of Skulls

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skull eggs basket
Nothing says creepy like a basket full of skulls. Hey, why not? I put a basket of fruit on the counter and it just goes bad. It’s not like I eat fruits and vegetables. If I did, I would not have just marked the second week of no pooping on my calendar. It has now become an official holiday, since my cramps made me stay home from work today. My boss does not agree.

Nah. I lied. I don’t work. My full time job remains squeezing and grunting until I pass out. Sure it would be much easier if I just ate a friggin’ vegetable once in a while, but I ain’t no quitter. I start something, I see it through. I’ll get it out eventually. How the hell did I get from “basket of skulls” to this?

Just stressed. I’m pooped from trying to poop.
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Dead Mouse In A Guitar Case

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dead mouse in miniature guitar case
Oh look, it’s a dead mouse in a mini guitar case. If you click through and scroll down below, you’ll see the mother (Sold separately) who is actually holding a guitar. She looks like she’s busking and when she gets enough change in her hat, the kid mouse will probably resurrect. Then they’ll take their little show to another street.

Never trust a busker. I just walk by a whole line of them with my iPhone app. It plays the sounds of change landing in a hat, cup or guitar case, so I don’t actually have to do it. Hey, I didn’t ask for the free concert! You don’t like it get a tour manager!
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Mr. T Taxidermy Mouse: B.A. Ba-Rat-Cus

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mr t rat
Whatch you want fool? This is the Mr. T Mouse. The T stands for Taxidermy fool! I pity the fool who takes a picture of me against their buttcheek!

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Da da da da! Da da da!

You know how they have to drug Mr. T to get him on planes? Yeah, that’s probably what they had to do to this poor mouse to give him a makeover. Man, I just wish the seller had the entire A-Team so I could annoy Mr. T mouse with Murdock mouse and put them all in the A-Team van!

Felt Dissected Easter Bunny: No Bunny Knows Easter Like The Coroner Bunny

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dissected easter bunny
The Easter Bunny has seen better days that’s for sure. This Felt Dissected Easter Bunny shows the furry deliverer of chocolates and sweets after he has been opened up by some coroner. Apparently he died of high cholesterol judging by those undigested eggs(And Easter grass) in his stomach.

Poor guy. By poor guy, I mean me. He died before he could deliver my Cadbury eggs and Peeps this year. Now what the hell am I gonna do? Somebody elect a new Easter bunny STAT! Is it an elected office? We have to save Easter!

*Buys a bunny suit and hits the candy isle at the local Walmart. Damn! Fatties have cleared the shelves. Hits some grocery stores. Buys everything they have. Easter will be saved!*

Easter day… *Lays in the corner groaning amid empty candy wrappers and foil. Chocolate all over my bunny suit. Ears bent to hell. In a drugged out candy coma. A swarm of bunnies burst through the door and pile onto me, beating the crap out of me with bunny limbs.*

I’m sorry. I meant to save Easter, but it’s mine. It’s all mine!*crying* I’m sick, I need help! I’ll get better I swear. I’ll go to rehab. Just one more Peep first. No, don’t eat me! *tears*