Tag: mug

WTF… GOAT STORY Mug

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

WTF... GOAT STORY Mug
What kind of half-baked hipster mysticism is this? The “Goat Story Mug” is a horn-shaped vessel like the vikings would have drank from,… If Vikings were wusses that could only conquer goats. You are supposed to drink coffee out of it. Maybe to pretend you have slain a goat in between your artisanal lunch and the daily upkeep of your man-bun. I have no idea. It has no handle.You can’t even set it on your desk. Instead you’re supposed to carry it with some kind of feminine wrist strap or purse strap attachment. So what the hell is the goat story? Don’t trust a hipster? Tell us something we don’t know. Here’s my goat story:

Once upon a time people had coffee cups. Like female CB using truck drivers, they had a handle and a flat bottom. Everyone was happy as they drank from this amazing creation. And we don’t need no stinking goat horn mugs! The end.

Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle
I can’t wait to have a beer in this Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle. The bone handle is jointed… For your pleasure. I don’t even know what that means. I’m operating on the left side of a Twix bar and two red bulls. What happened to the right side of the Twix bar? Both sides are right. And if one side is wrong I don’t wanna be right. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, this cool skull cup is my new drinking vessel of choice. BRING ME A SKULL FULL OF insert name of some kind of tough liquor that I should be manly enough to drink, but will make me cough and gag.

C’mon, let’s get drunk and slam our skulls together. THUNK! Ow!!!! I meant skull cups. Not my brain casing you stupid- What was I saying? WHO ATE MY LEFT TWIX? I only have the one. Or did I lose the left and I have the right? Why do they give you two? One would be much better for my OCD. I can’t eat it now, even if I could find it. See what you did! Wait. What are the signs of concussion? And where am I?

Meditating Skeletons And Skull Mugs

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Meditating Skeletons And Skull Mugs
How often does a skeleton meditate? Oh, every now and zen. Haha, I crack me up. Check out these cool Meditating Skeletons And Other Skull Mugs from Etsy seller NicolePangasCeramics. That skeleton has attained enlightenment. Too bad he didn’t attain some meat on his bones. I don’t know anything about Buddhism or Hinduism, but I… Like big Buddhas and I can not lie…

Seriously, these mugs are pretty cool. They have all kinds of cool creepy looking drinkware. How do you get into a meditative state? Simple. Just relax your mind, empty your thoughts and cross the border. Whoa that’s deep. Deepak Chopra…
Read more “Meditating Skeletons And Skull Mugs”

Creepy Clown Mug

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Creepy Clown Mug
This Creepy Clown Mug is not going to help with my Coulrophobia. That’s fear of clowns. I didn’t know what it was either until my doctor diagnosed it and prescribed me a bucket full of Quaaludes and anti-clown meds. At the pharmacy, they handed me a KFC sized bucket that looked like a race car cuz it was sponsored by so many drug companies.

Actually I fear anything in makeup. I’ve been known to freak out in stores when I accidentally wander into the makeup department. This clown is creepy as all hell. He looks like he has real teeth and I want to punch them. I’m not afraid of you. Do you hear me? You’re just a mug! Besides, you’re not the boss of me. I can be brave! No don’t set it on the table! *Runs out the door screaming.*
Read more “Creepy Clown Mug”

Bat Wings Mug

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bat wings mug
Ugh! I need my morning coffee. Where are my glasses? Where’s my awesome Bat Wings Mug? I think that bat-shaped blob might be it. Grabs wings with both hands. *Eeeekkkk-Squeakkkk* Why are you fighting me? *Straining to hold it still and get it to my lips.* I just want coffee! Stop biting my lips! Ow! *Mug flies out the window.*

There are my glasses. *Puts them on.* Hey, there’s my Bat Wings Mug. Hmmmmm. I guess that’s what I get for living in a belfry. Better search “rabies” on Google again.