Check out this Octopus backpack. It has a giant head that you can shove all of your stuff in. It almost looks like a big slab of meat hanging off of your back. Skin colored meat. With two eyes. It commands you as it slowly sinks into your back muscles, day after day, which ache from doing your master’s bidding.
Tag: novelty
Light-Up Zombie Head Pathway Markers
*Singing to “You light up my life”.* Youuuuu light up my pathhhhh. I kick your headssss. Cuz you’re undeadddddd. These Light-Up Zombie Head Pathway Markers make an awesome statement along any path in your yard. That statement is: No zombie bastid better mess with me, cuz I’ll put lights in your eye sockets and decorate my driveway with your skull. Your friends too.
Perfect for Halloween. Also perfect for the zombie apocalypse, since those undead freaks will know to stay away.
Giant Plesiosaur Plush – The Plush Ness Monster
This Giant Plesiosaur Plush is just the kind of thing you can cuddle with in bed and pretend that he’s taking you on an amazing journey through the sea. I mean loch. Whatever! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Is it okay if I pee in the water buddy? Cool, cuz I just did.
You’ll know for sure that the Loch Ness Monster is real every time you see this in your home. I know he’s real. The internet told me and that is one friend that never lies.
Custom Alien Head Magnets
Alien heads! These Custom Alien Head Magnets finally allow me to collect alien heads in a way that DOES NOT involve chopping their filthy heads off whenever they try to abduct me and take me aboard their spaceships for tests.
Later that night at 3 A.M.
*Stands over a decapitated alien body, breathing heavy, with a machete in my hand.* “I told you, I don’t need a checkup! Now contemplate your dead-side manner you gray bastard!”
Grim Reaper Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper
This year, make Santa Claus think his time is up with the Grim Reaper Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper. Cuz the only thing grimer than a reaper is a Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper is the grimmest reaper I know. He’s gonna be all on your tree like, “Hey Santa, was sup? I think ya better come with me. Leave the presents before you run off screaming. Thanks. Now c’mere you jolly ole f***!”