Tag: novelty

Evil Clown Pillow

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Evil Clown Pillow
Do you want a good night’s sleep or a good nightmare sleep? Guess which one you’re gonna get if you rest your head on this Evil Clown Pillow? If you guessed terrifying dreams that jar you awake every few minutes, complete with sleep paralysis and a lifetime of PTSD, you guessed correctly. It’s pretty terrifying.

I think I’ll pass on this one. I already have an evil clown pillow. It was that one night stand from last week that slept over and left all her makeup on my pillow in the morning. She looked great in the morning sun. The face she left behind on the pillow? Not so much. I had to wait for her to drift off again so I could stealthily look in her purse and check her driver’s license. I just wanted to make sure her name wasn’t Bozo, Bimbo, Bingo or Zippy.

*Shudders*

Etsy seller creatureog has all kinds of cool pillows, not just clowns. Check them out.

Good Ol’ Menstrual Cycle Poster

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Good Ol' Menstrual Cycle Poster
Check out this Good Ol’ Menstrual Cycle Poster. It shows the entire cycle and explains what’s going on. My poster would have been way different. It would start with a bunch of cramping and end with a woman chasing me with a knife, while clutching a box of bon-bons in the other hand and cradling a gallon of ice cream in the crook of her arm. Then when she caught me, she would slice me on the arm just to mark me, then tell me how much she loves me and how sorry she is. Then 28 days later we would repeat it all over again. Isn’t nature wonderful?

Thanks for the tip Calyn.

Frankenberry, Boo Berry And Count Chocula Action Figures

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Frankenberry, Boo Berry And Count Chocula Action FiguresIt’s my 3 best friends, Boo, Frank and Count. joshuaizzo created these for a friend. What, I’m not your friend Josh? What about that time we binged on Boo Berry all night and washed it down with a Franken-Chocula mix? That meant nothing? Oh yeah, I was alone that night, talking to the characters on the boxes. Sorry Josh, but I really want these. Where does your friend live? It would be a shame if something happened to those figures. Know what I mean? I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse. Like 6 boxes of Frankenberry. He’s the weakest link in the awesome spooky cereal chain.

Pocket Pets: Roach On The Go

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Pocket Pets Roach On The Go
Oh yeah, this is a great idea. Give your kid a pet roach that he can hang out with. That’s not weird at all. There’s no way your kid is gonna be an outcast as he walks around with his little pet roach, talking to it in hushed whispers. Then again, my parents gave me a whole house full of roaches and I turned out alright.

Except for my fear of roaches and my waking from a dead sleep so I can slam a shoe against the floor like a madman. There’s also the constant itching, but hey I need to exfoliate anyway right? It’s all good. Anyway, get your kid a little pet roach, cuz, you know, your kid isn’t weird enough. Pocket Pets. Cuz your kid doesn’t need friends.
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Severed Finger Candles

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Severed Finger Candles
These Severed Finger Candles will be perfect for any birthday cake that you want to give the finger to. Give it several fingers cuz you don’t give a f**k. I stared at this image of candles for like an hour already cuz someone flipped me off today behind a fence and I was trying to pick it out of a lineup. There! I finger that one.

If you will excuse me, I have to go now. I have a date with some finger food just as soon as I buy it with my five finger discount. Hopefully they won’t finger me in a police lineup. That sounded dirty. I apologize. Police only do that in dirty movies. Anyway, I give these candles 2 middle fingers up. It’s the highest honor I can bestow on them.