Tag: novelty

Zombie Gnombie Statue

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Zombie Gnombie Statue
This Zombie Gnombie Statue is all undead and rising from the dirt. He gets bonus points for having stigmata marks on his hands. What up my homie from another gnomie? You just gonna stay silent wit yo zombie self? Aight, be like dat Aber-gnombie and bi*ch!

Why you crawling all up in my yard anyway? *Steps on his head and pushes him back down* Dat’s what it is. This ain’t no halfway house for horror gnomes. Pop up in somebody else’s yard else I’mma have to play whack-a-gnome! Ya get me? Aight! Peace! Don’t be leaving no gopher trails in my grass now!

You can find him here and here.

UFO Lamp: Unidentified Flying Objet D’art

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UFO Lamp Unidentified Flying Objet D'art
This UFO lamp is out of this world! My only complaint is that there’s no cow tumbling up into the light beam, mooing and running in place. Meh. You can’t have everything. When it’s plugged in it gives off a blue light and when its unplugged, the abduction beam glows green. Just like a real spaceship. So I’ve heard. I don’t have any firsthand experience with abduction beams. Fun fact: First I typed “abduction beans”. It made me giggle. That is all.

So anyway, I’m thinking you get some Men In Black figures, a cow or two, some little alien figures, Mulder and Scully, and you have yourself an awesome playset as well as a lamp. Never seen a UFO, but I have seen an OFU which is UFO spelled backwards. That would be my “Obese F**king Uncle”. Damn that guy can eat. He doesn’t eat spare ribs. Just ribs. Cuz when he eats, he doesn’t have any to spare. All goes in his mouth you see. He doesn’t “put it away” because there’s nothing left to put away. We love him. We just eat at separate tables. In separate restaurants. In separate towns. He’s kinda like a black hole. Gotta stay away from the event horizon.

WTF… GOAT STORY Mug

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WTF... GOAT STORY Mug
What kind of half-baked hipster mysticism is this? The “Goat Story Mug” is a horn-shaped vessel like the vikings would have drank from,… If Vikings were wusses that could only conquer goats. You are supposed to drink coffee out of it. Maybe to pretend you have slain a goat in between your artisanal lunch and the daily upkeep of your man-bun. I have no idea. It has no handle.You can’t even set it on your desk. Instead you’re supposed to carry it with some kind of feminine wrist strap or purse strap attachment. So what the hell is the goat story? Don’t trust a hipster? Tell us something we don’t know. Here’s my goat story:

Once upon a time people had coffee cups. Like female CB using truck drivers, they had a handle and a flat bottom. Everyone was happy as they drank from this amazing creation. And we don’t need no stinking goat horn mugs! The end.

Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware

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Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware
Quick Robin! To the Bat-Cabinet! Holy smokes Batman! Which one is the Bat Cabinet again? They are the ones with the Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware you idiot. And by the way, can we update that outfit? Kinda makes me look bad you know. I am a much older man and those tights… Not good.

This Bat Skull Cabinet hardware is awesome. Does this mean that your cabinet is a belfry now? It’s got bats. Anything that has bats is a belfry. I kind of like the idea of grabbing a bat skull every time I go into a cabinet for some cereal or peanut butter. Don’t worry little bats, I won’t crush your head with my grip. Or poke you in the eye-sockets. I will be gentle,but firm.
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Pose Skeleton Man – The Ultimate Action Figure

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Pose Skeleton Man
No bones about it, Pose Skeleton Man is the ultimate in skeletal action figures. He’s the original Skeletor. The original Jack Skellington. The best thing about this action figure however, is the fact that you can buy a lot of accessories for him. Like the office set, furniture for him, musical instruments, a pet skeleton dog, even a toilet set. Sweeeet! This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I love posing skeletons on toilets and role-playing them taking a dump.

Seriously, they have a ton of accessories.More than you can shake a tibia at. Best bony action figure ever.
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