Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Crucifixion

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Crucifixion
That’s right. This is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Crucifixion. Why does it exist? No idea. Cuz pain meds maybe. I’m not sure if this is Raphael, Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Socrates, or whatever the hell the other ones are named, but he clearly died for our sins. So be good to one another cuz God is making a list and checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s naughty and nice. Oh wait. My bad. that’s Santa Claus.

We’ve featured CoffinCollector’s work before. Always interesting. Always makes me dizzy and a little scared.

Heroes in a half shell! Resurrection power!

Spider Web Tie For Black Widowers

Spider Web Tie For Black Widowers
Guys, you have to find a spider-mate. I mean soulmate. There’s got to be a black widow out there that needs a widower. Weave yourself a nice web with this Spider Web Tie and you might just attract a mate. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably still bite your head off after sex some day and leave your corpse on the bed as she packs her stuff and moves onto the next victim…. Maybe just go for a Brown recluse instead. Oh wait, those are bad too. Maybe it’s okay to just be single.

Bigfoot and Chupacabra Greeting Cards

Bigfoot and Chupacabra Greeting Cards
Send all of your friends these cool Bigfoot and Chupacabra Greeting Cards from CreatureCardsDesign. In my case that means the mailman and the lady at the grocery store. They feature fun art and on the back there is a description of the monster’s origin and some sightings. But they don’t tell you what to do when you have a sighting. I can help with that: If you see these monsters, bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. Especially if you see the Chupacabra. He will suck your blood like a demon who just discovered a crazy straw for the first time. Except his straw is his tongue. I know, gross.
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Michael Myers Knife Necklace and Earrings

Michael Myers Knife Necklace and Earrings
The Michael Myers Knife Necklace and Earrings will make you a sharp dresser. Get it? Sharp cuz it’s a knife. I hear ya. Comedy gold right? If that piece of gold was eaten by a dog and pooped out. These knife accessories have Michael’s face on them, looking menacing. Now you can walk around swinging your head and gyrating so your necklace knife sways wildly. “I’ll cut you man! I’ll cut you!” Calm down man, are you having a seizure? “Come close to my ears and say that! I’m a living weapon! Also getting dizzy.”

Scary Demonic Skull And Frame Light Fixture

Scary Demonic Skull And Frame Light Fixture
What the shizz? This is the scariest piece of interior frighting I have seen in a long time. Yeah, this Scary Demonic Skull And Frame Light Fixture is perfect for your den. Just as long as you call a priest in right away to exorcise it. You ever see a grown man scream every time the lights come on? You will if I buy this. Which I won’t because I value my sanity. The gold chains are a nice touch. Makes it look like Mr. T’s ghost is breaking through your wall. I pity the fool who ain’t got good lighting.