*Singing to “You light up my life”.* Youuuuu light up my pathhhhh. I kick your headssss. Cuz you’re undeadddddd. These Light-Up Zombie Head Pathway Markers make an awesome statement along any path in your yard. That statement is: No zombie bastid better mess with me, cuz I’ll put lights in your eye sockets and decorate my driveway with your skull. Your friends too.
Perfect for Halloween. Also perfect for the zombie apocalypse, since those undead freaks will know to stay away.
Hey Pondering Skeleton Sculptural Bookends. Whatcha pondering? The meaning of death? The debate about whether milk actually builds strong bones or not? Maybe you’re wondering why you are all bones, but have huge bright eyes? You keep ponderin’ and wonderin’ skeletons. Don’t let anyone stop you.
They look like they are really wrapped up in whatever you are saying to them, which I like. You don’t say? Oh my! Tell me more. Gonna get me a pair and talk to these guys. That will be less weird than talking to myself. Just a little bit less weird.
This is two videos of an alien abduction prank by some wannabe Steven Spielbergs. It’s not very well done. It doesn’t even happen like that in real life. Except for the guy being taken by the tractor beam. That happens all the time. But aliens don’t just scare the hell out of you and then laugh with you about it afterwards. Well, I mean, sometimes they do. Crazy bastards. Okay, I admit, I kinda miss those rectally obsessed freaks.
Read more “Crazy Alien Abduction Prank”
Alien heads! These Custom Alien Head Magnets finally allow me to collect alien heads in a way that DOES NOT involve chopping their filthy heads off whenever they try to abduct me and take me aboard their spaceships for tests.
Later that night at 3 A.M.
*Stands over a decapitated alien body, breathing heavy, with a machete in my hand.* “I told you, I don’t need a checkup! Now contemplate your dead-side manner you gray bastard!”
This year, make Santa Claus think his time is up with the Grim Reaper Fiber Optic Christmas Tree Topper. Cuz the only thing grimer than a reaper is a Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper is the grimmest reaper I know. He’s gonna be all on your tree like, “Hey Santa, was sup? I think ya better come with me. Leave the presents before you run off screaming. Thanks. Now c’mere you jolly ole f***!”