Show some backbone. These Vertebrae Tea Light Candles will help. They go well with Vertebrae Shot Glasses. Just be careful, this is one time when a slipped disc can burn the house down.
Light these candles for a romantic evening. Then say, “Baby, you set my spine on fire.” To which she will say, “What the hell is wrong with you?” And you will be alone. Again. With your still burning candles.
These Hammer Horror Film Poster Fridge Magnets will make your fridge a scary scary place. Fun fact: Hammer Horror is not when you hit your thumbnail with a hammer instead of the actual nail. It’s also not when you get hammered the night before and then wake up next to a horror the following morning. Okay, okay, I consider that second one some legitimate Hammer Horror. *Shudders*
Pop these mini horror posters anywhere and you will always have some cool art to look at.
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Bronze Slug Rings baby! Slugs slithering all in between your fingers that you can use for brass knuckles should some dude mess with you in a dark alley somewhere. What? You want slugs to the face bro? BAM. SLUGGO! These slugs will never let you down. Unless somebody throws salt all over your hands.
This ring is sweet. I just wish I had known about this before I made my slug ring the old fashioned way. By shoving both hands in the garden and pulling ’em back up with nasty gooey slugs between my fingers.
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Hey, nice rack! I mean ribs. Nice rump too. You got all of the best cuts. Ask your butcher about this Pink Meat Cuts Dress. Then shimmy your shanks in it and shake your rump roast. Cuz you are grade A, prime cut meat baby. You and I should have a meat and greet. I feel a tingling in my tenderloin. Actually it’s more of an itch, but anyway… I don’t want to get all em-broiled in this dress, but I think it’s awesome. No, really. Not busting your chops. Your pork chops.
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I’m puttin’ this Realistic Spider Costume in my bugout bag. Then ya know what I’m gonna do? Bug the hell out! You can not swat me! No sticky trap can stop me. No can of raid can spray me. And I’m way too damn big to put under a cup, while you slip a paper underneath so you can take me outside. I am the god of spiders. Come to me my 8-legged minions! Flock to me and rule the world at my side from my gi-normous web of doom. Tonight we dine on human-sized cocoons.
*Sees a carpet of spiders skittering and approaching me from everywhere.* Uh… Wait! On second thought, no. I don’t want to be the god of spiders any longer! *Screams like a girl and ditches spider costume while I run away crying.*
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