Calamityware: Disastrous Dinner Plates

Calamityware Disastrous Dinner Plate Dishes
You know those old plates that your grandmother had? The ones with the cobalt blue patterns, with floral designs and landscapes? These are like those plates. Only cooler. Don Moyer creates this line of Calamityware dinner plates. They have all kinds of weird and disaster type themes like flying monkeys, a UFO attack, giant robots and giant sea monsters.

See grandma! My plates are way cooler! Even if I can’t feed myself cuz I’m an adult man-baby. Where’s my mac and cheese already?
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Jurassic Houseware: Dinosaur Plates

dinosaur plates

Eat up and make that meal extinct when you eat off of Dinosaur Plates. Have some Tex-Mex on a T-Rex, serve up the broccoli on a Brachiosaurus. Get all Pie-rannosaurus on a Tyrannosaurus! Reminds me of that time my roommate got a set of fancy Dinosaur plates. I cut a hole in the ceiling and waited for him to finish his dinner, then I throw rocks through the hole and broke ’em into a million pieces. “Meteors! Run or you’ll all be extinct!”

After he cooled down, he ordered more and informed me that the dinosaurs went extinct because the plant life died everywhere, not because of a meteor. So the next week I threw out all of his fruit and vegetables and put X’s over all the dinosaur eyes before I smashed the plates and buried them in his trash, with some chocolate syrup to simulate fossil fuel.

Houseware Of Horrors

housewares of horrors
Etsy seller shaynegreco has all kinds of housewares with horrible things crawling all over them. Mostly sea creatures. The only time I’ve seen crabs this size crawling on plates was when I visited that “Gentleman’s club/ Diner” in New Orleans. (Bad combination. Do NOT recommend.) At least these won’t be moving and they won’t require a doctor in a hazmat suit to shut down the premises.

This seller has Octopi on platters, crabs on china and other monstrosities that don’t belong on your dishware. Every time you serve yourself on these creepy plates you are fighting creatures for your food. Get off Lobster! Mine! Go find Nemo and leave my food alone!
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Life Hack: Buy Plates With Ants Already On Them

ants on dishesLooks like the ones I already own, but what the hell, they match my dishware, being all black spotted and crawling. These plates already come with real ants on them. No need to just set your dish on the counter and wait for them to swarm like the Borg Collective maniacs they are.
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