Tag: snake

Adjustable Snake Eye Ring

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Adjustable Snake Eye Ring
This ring is coming up snake eyes! This Adjustable Snake Eye Ring puts a pair of snake eyes on your finger. Along with it’s icky yucky snake skin. I love this ring. Whenever anyone displeases me I’m gonna raise my ring and shout, “The eyes of the snake are upon you. Back off lest ye be judged by the serpent god!” I have no idea what that means, but it sounds cool as hell and scary. And when they look into those snake eyes, they will feel the wrath of the serpent.

Speaking of which, I’m feeling the wrath of the serpent right now. Me go pee pee. Bye bye.

Realistic Snake Canes

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Realistic Snake Canes
Mike Stinnett makes canes. Canes that look like snakes. I’m talking they look like they are gonna bite you. The level of realism in his work is incredible. This is the ultimate in walking accessories. It’s also the ultimate in accessories that will scare the hell out of people. I’m scared just looking at these canes. Pro tip: Never take your cane into the wilderness and set it down, cuz you know you’re gonna pick up a real snake by accident and get bit.

Elderly people like to beat others with canes. That’s just a fact.And it would be so much more satisfying to see someone get beat with a stiff snake. Maybe that’s just me.
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Slithering Snake Cling Ring

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Slithering Snake Cling Ring
Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes? They make me hiss-terical! This Slithering Snake Cling Ring is all needy and clingy like a girlfriend. I kid. I’m the clingy one in a relationship. Holding onto a woman’s leg while she drags me and tries to get away is just an evolutionary trait that I have developed to not be so lonely.

This terrifying snake will realistically coil around your index finger in the same way, while chomping on your ring finger. Cuz it’s jealous and doesn’t want you wearing any other rings. So don’t! Respect the snake!

Awesome Snake Scarf Is One Warm Snake-Cessory

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snake scarf
Sweeet! This snake scarf is exactly what I need to battle the cold and look fashionably creepy this winter. I’ll wear it outside and then shed my scarf like snakeskin when inside again. You can call me Snake Plissken, or Rocky Bal-Boa constrictor. Even Cobra Commander. But don’t call me snake-neck the nerd. Them’s fighting words.

No way I’m wearing it on a plane though. I’ll ask for like one drink too many and the stewardess will be all like, “I have had it with these motherf***in’ snakes on this motherf***in’ plane!” Damn! Chill! Why don’t you sit down beside me and tell me all about it Sam Jackson. And while we’re at it, why the hell are you my stewardess today?
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$6,500.00 Fiberglass Python

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fiberglass snakeSnakes! Why’d it have to be snakes? This 14 foot fiberglass python will scare the bejesus out of anything and anyone in your yard. It basically looks like one long bloody entrail. It weighs about 75-80 lbs. Not that size matters.

This should keep any form of life well away from your yard. Especially those boy scouts that collect canned food and leave that bag on your door so it ends up floating around in your yard, making you look like you are a pig. Yeah, I hate that. This should keep those little patch-earning fetuses away.
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