Tag: spooky

Screaming Skull Shelf

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Screaming Skull Shelf
Check out this Screaming Skull Shelf. He’s all like,”PUT SOME BOOKS ON ME! NOW! DO IT NOW! I NEED KNICK-KNACKS! I NEED IT NOW!” Damn son, calm yourself.

Two hours later. *Trying to sleep with a pillow over my head. Listening to the screaming.* I NEED A FLOWERPOT FOR MY SKULL. DECORATE ME NOW! DO IT NOW! I HAVE BECOME ONE WITH THE WALL. YOU WILL NEVER BE RID OF ME. I NEED A SMALL VASE!

Two hours after that. *Ding-Dong* Hello sir, we got a report of screaming coming from these premises. *Points to the skull shelf on the wall.*

OFFICER, GET ME A FRAMED PICTURE. DO IT NOW. GET ME ANYTHING! I MUST BE COMPLETE! A FISH BOWL! NOW!

Why do you always have these problems sir?

*Shrugs* You know I like to buy weird stuff. This stuff is weird. Stuff happens.

MAGAZINE PILES! NEED! DO IT NOW!

*Cop walks in. Grabs some books off a desk and puts them on the shelf. Shelf shuts the hell up at last, breathing heavy and relaxing.*

I AM COMPLETE! *Shelf falls asleep, snoring.*

*Cop looks at me.* Please stop buying this weird stuff, sir!

Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders

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Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders
These Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders show the true undead faces of this Disney couple. Put some candles in their heads and set the mood. A dark and horror-themed mood, with you dining alone on some Mac and Cheese…with two zombie mice staring at you. Ready to kill. Yet they never do, night after horror-filled night.

Sorry. My future just flashed before my eyes.

Ouija Board Coffee Table And Carpet

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Ouija Board Coffee Table And Carpet
Sadly I can’t buy this cool Ouija Board Coffee Table And Carpet design, but if I could, I would wait patiently for Mormons, Jehovah’s Witness’ and other assorted door to door creepers, and invite them in. Yes you can tell me all about Jesus. Sit and have some coffee. I’ll go brew some.

*Flicks switch, activating the ghostly voices in the hidden speaker system. Also grabs the remote control which activates the wheels I installed on the planchette. Watches on the monitor as I make it spell out G-E-T…T-H-E…F**K…O-U-T!*

They run screaming.

That was fun. Now to post it to YouTube.

Gold Gilded Bat Necklace

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Gold Gilded Bat Necklace
Sweet! A Gold Gilded Bat Necklace. I’ve read all of the folklore, researched every legend surrounding this artifact. Now it’s mine. *Moves my hands like Indy trying to judge the weight of the golden idol.* OW! Damnit! Hurt my hand reaching into the screen, trying to snatch it.

Seriously though, the legend of the Gold Gilded Bat Necklace goes way back to Bab-Bologna-ian times. It was first worn by Bertha Batty Butt, bat-nosed Queen of a long forgotten dynasty. She ruled with an iron fist, a big butt and an army of bats, who also had big butts. It impaired flight. Probably why her rule was so short.

See, it’s not always about me being stupid. Sometimes you learn stuff.

Gothic Skeleton Hands Bonnet

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Gothic Skeleton Hands Bonnet
Keep your bony hands off my hat! Oh yeah. Sorry. Those are supposed to be there. I’ve heard of having a bee in your bonnet, but I’ve never heard of having bones in your bonnet. Until now. This Gothic Skeleton Hands Bonnet is hands on. Heh. Hands on. I’m such a card! It is hands down(On your head) the winner of my annual bony-bonnet contest.

I like it. Scary, yet classy. It’s all Little House on the Haunted Prairie. Now that is a television reboot that I’d like to see. Let those pioneer folk see how they do against zombies and ghosts and stuff.