Tag: strange

Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant

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Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant
Nothing says love like a Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant. I love you. Here have some dead maggots. Because you wiggled your way into my rotting heart like a hungry maggot on a piece of meat that had been left out in the sun. And you just kept feeding on me… Our love is kinda weird.

Yeah, I should totally write greeting cards. And because I care enough to send the very best to those that I love, I’m getting this pendant for a very special lady. Maybe she will be my maggot queen. When I kiss her, she will turn into a fly. And that’s gonna be really annoying, cuz she’s gonna land on my food and stuff, so I’m gonna have to smack her with the flyswatter! Love is eternal sure, but don’t land on the filthy toilet seat with your fly legs and then land on my dinner!

Severed Finger Candles

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Severed Finger Candles
These Severed Finger Candles will be perfect for any birthday cake that you want to give the finger to. Give it several fingers cuz you don’t give a f**k. I stared at this image of candles for like an hour already cuz someone flipped me off today behind a fence and I was trying to pick it out of a lineup. There! I finger that one.

If you will excuse me, I have to go now. I have a date with some finger food just as soon as I buy it with my five finger discount. Hopefully they won’t finger me in a police lineup. That sounded dirty. I apologize. Police only do that in dirty movies. Anyway, I give these candles 2 middle fingers up. It’s the highest honor I can bestow on them.

Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels
Don’t spend these Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels all in one place. What’s a hobo nickel? I guess it’s what you pay hobos for doing hobo stuff. I’m gonna be a hobo so I can get some of these cool nickels. Gonna ride the rails all day, look all dirty, carry a knapsack and every Friday and go to the hobo payment center where I’m gonna collect all of the nickels. Sweet! People are always calling me a hobo anyway.

That’s not what we call you?

Really? What is that name you guys are always calling me?

You’ll figure it out. Use your rhyming skills.

Well I- Ohhhhhhh. I get it…. Do they have nickels too?
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Alien Head Metal Wall Art

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Alien Head Metal Wall Art
Stare into this Alien Head Metal Wall Art and the alien will stare into your soul. Seems pretty cool right? It is. Until you realize that it’s a portal to an alien UFO. *Cue Twilight Zone music.* A doorway, through time and space, to a… butt probing zone.

This is how they get you. You buy weird stuff that they planted as bait. You take it home. And they have their next rectum, I mean victim. You just bought yourself a doorway to an intergalactic proctology office. Have fun with that. This is why I don’t decorate with aliens, unless they come in the middle of the night and my shotgun decorates the wall with their glowing blood.

Donald Trump Weathervane

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Donald Trump Weathervane
Which way is the wind blowing? I don’t know, why don’t you see which way Trump’s toupee is blowing? This $15,000.00 Donald Trump Weathervane will be fun to watch spin around. North, south, east or west. You’re all fired! Now excuse me while I spin my fat face in another direction! Let’s make America fat in the face again!

This thing will make your head spin too.
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