Tag: stuffed

Brian The Giant Turd Stuffed Doll

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Brian The Giant Turd Stuffed Doll
I was just saying the other day that every Brian I meet turns out to be a real turd. I’m sure their not all bad, but man, I’ve met a lot of turds named Brian. Here’s another. Brian The Giant Turd Stuffed Doll. He’s ready to be displayed in your home so he can turd up your place. Hopefully they deliver him on time and he’s not turdy. I mean tardy. I’m not sure what his maker ate, but it looks like he’s got some green shading there. Also very puffy eyes. I guess it’s tiring being a turd. Or maybe he’s just sad he came in turd place in a contest.

Also, how do you get a turd that’s segmented in that way? I’m guessing you push, squeeze and push squeeze. I have no idea. And who would have thought that a turd could have such full lips? It’s from kissin’ butt on the way out. He’s a little brown noser. That’s probably why somebody gave him that shiner on his eye.
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Squid Plush Body Pillows

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Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows
It’s a squid party on the couch and everyone’s invited. Everyone with tentacles that is. You can have your very own squid squad, which sounds like an awesome underwater buddy cop show. I can’t wait to see the pilot. Well, hello Ms. Calamari, so glad you could make it. Squidworth my man, how are you? Give me five…multiple times. I’m just squid-ding around with ya. Don’t spit at me. Think before you ink my brotha! We all gonna Netflix and chill? Not like that my man. You crazy. We’re just gonna hang and have a good time.

When you have a bunch of squid, you’ve either got a party or a dinner. These Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows make it a party. Fill up your couch and snuggle with them all night long. Just don’t cuddle too long. Things get weird. Is it an adult activity at that point? I’m not judging. Just be aware that it’s a fine line between innocence and a weird, plush squid orgy.

Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies

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Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies
I’m really digging these Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies, but I want to request a Tickle Me Elmo version, to see what Elmo would look like after I tickled him with a shotgun out in the wild. I’d also like to see some of those Fraggle Rock dudes mounted on my wall. Puppets and I have a weird history. A weird and bloody history. *Shudders.*

The seller has several. But no Elmo damnit! They make great coat racks. Things are creeping me out.
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Huge Stuffed Crab

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Huge Stuffed Crab
Huge Stuffed Crab! Huge Stuffed Crab! What’s it stuffed with? I don’t know. Probably your hopes and dreams and kitten wishes, all riding on the fragrant wind of unicorn farts. This stuffed crab is huge! XXL at least.

I haven’t seen crabs this big since the STD clinic near Fukushima got hit with gamma radiation. Don’t make these crabs angry. You wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. They get all crabby. Which is pretty much expected from a crab actually. They are grabby and crabby. They’ll pinch you and make you all scabby.
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Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem

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Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem
This Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem has been sold, which is sad. But if you ask the seller real nice, maybe they will make one for you, that also has a drinking problem.

You have a problem Squid! This is an intervention. Get those tentacles up and give me the booze now! Oh, that was easy. Thanks. I needed this, because I’m actually the one with a drinking problem. *Glog glog* Well, not a problem really. I thirst. I drink. Then I think I have a giant squid in my living room. So I know you’re just an illusion caused by my choice of rum *hiccup*

I am notch drunk. Shut yer squid mouth or I’ll shut it fer ya. Check out dis new sport. Here lemme show ya. Stand still now. Is called Kraken smackin. I’mma mess you up. *Rolls up sleeves*

*Wakes up in the morning to find the whole house destroyed*

I think it’s time to admit that I might actually have a problem. But who the f**k splattered my walls with ink?