Crow Claw Necklace

Crow Claw Necklace
This Crow Claw Necklace is cast from the real thing and ready to claw it’s way into your heart. Do you see those talons? I’m calling it the Freddy Kreuger bird from now on. I say you guys get this necklace and I’ll get one, then we meet at my place and play that crane game. We’ll all stand over a bunch of stuffed animals and prizes, then bend down and see if we can grab the stuff with our claw necklaces. Deal? I didn’t rig the game! Stuffs just slippery!

Skull Doorknob

Skull Doorknob
Wait! Don’t open that door. We don’t go in there. We just don’t. We don’t even talk about going in there, so shut your face. No one enters the room of the crystal skull. Why do you think we have that cool ass Skull Doorknob to warn people? It lights up too, but don’t touch it. Okay, whatever, your funeral!

*Door opens*

*All of my creepy collectibles fall out in a huge pile.* I told you not to. You just had to do it. Now you have to clean it all up. I usually push it in with a broom while someone else pushes the door.
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Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace

Etched Copper Garden Spider NecklaceYou know why I don’t garden? Well, aside from the fact that everything I touch dies, did you know there are spiders outside? True story. And everyone knows that when a spider touches you, you feel all icky and weird. I don’t need any of that jazz. I wish they were all as cool as this Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace. It’s awesome cuz it doesn’t move and is already dead.

A spider as a fashion accessory? Yeah! On the bottom of my shoe! Hahahaha! Am I right? *Reaches blindly for high five. Feels a hairy tarantula hand slap me.* Is there a giant spider behind me? Yeah, I’m just gonna run and scream now. Like a human police car. Running and screaming. That’s me. *Radio static* All cars. We have a 519 in progress. *Radio static.* I’m on the case! *Peels out and runs like hell.* A 519 is a giant spider behind you. I’m out!
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Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt

Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt
This Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt looks awesome, but I just know it’s gonna scare the hell out of my man junk underneath it, so it never rises again. Is that a snake around your waist or are you just happy to see me? I don’t know. Come a little bit closer and let’s see if it bites.

This is an awesome belt. Aside from the fact that I get bit every time I try to undo my belt to take a whiz. I can’t even undo my snake to drain my snake. Still, I look cool and that’s all that matters. That wet spot on my pants? That’s not what matters. I’m all like, “You’ve seen the cobra, wait until you see the python.” And the girls are all like, “Are you really gonna feed that little mouse to your snake?”
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Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats

Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats
These Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats will make your car more colorful and creepy. Cuz let’s face it, you need something cool to drop your coffee and car-food all over. Etsy seller InkandRags has all kinds of colors and styles available. Pretty cool. Normally if I want a sugar skull I have to down like 5 Twix bars, a snickers and some pixie dust, wash it down with a big gulp and wait for the sugar high to give way to the sugar headache, but this is a much better way to have a sugar skull.

I’m all about the skulls and roses. I have like 3 skulls in my rose garden alone- Uh. Said too much. Really sucks that my backspace key doesn’t work. So it was just a joke. jk everyone. Ha ha. I’m so silly. Later peeps. Gotta go take care of some stuff. Nothing to see here. Catch ya on the flip side.
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