Tag: tarot cards

Serpents Tarot Card Deck

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Serpents Tarot Card Deck
Wanna learn your future? Consult the Serpents Tarot Card Deck. No really. It’ll work. I’m not a snake oil salesman, I swear. Besides, you ever try to wring oil out of a snake? It’s not as easy as it sounds. Especially with the snake trying to bite the whole time. So I usually just grip it tight and put some lipstick on it, maybe a tiny hat. Really demoralize it so it stops struggling. Anyway, deal out some cards and read someones fortune.

Wait. Is this deck so you can give snakes tarot card readings? I’m a lot more confused than I thought I was, which is really saying something.
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Insanely Creepy Clown Tarot Card Deck

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Insanely Creepy Clown Tarot Card Deck
Clowns. I hate ’em. I’d hunt ’em if I could get a permit. I’ve tried. They are apparently never in season. This Creepy Clown Tarot Card Deck is like a visit from the most demented clown you have ever seen. Like he ties you up, pulls up a chair and gets his cards out, while he’s honking his horn and laughing all silly, drives around you real quick in a clown car, all his friends pile out and he gets out last, then they all sit around you in a circle and deal your tarot cards out.

Some of them are crying. You don’t know why. Perhaps internal torment from being natures painted demons. Some of them are blowing their nose and producing flowers from the handkerchief. You scream and no one seems to hear. The animal balloons are flying around like lofty latex clouds. Ronald McDonald looks on from the shadows way in the back. You might say they are an Insane Clown Posse.

*Shudders*

No thanks, I’ll get my readings from gypsies and grifters like I always have. As long as you don’t paint your face and squirt water on me with a flower, you can have all my money.
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Cthulhu And Other Leather Bound Journals

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Cthulhu And Other Leather Bound Journals
MetalSomeArt sells some awesome leather bound journals. Heh. Leather bound. Sounds kinky. 50 Shades of Paper. Get it? Anyway, they have many cool journals to choose from. Cthulhu, Tarot Cards, all kinds of cool stuff. They have awesome brass plates in front. That’s what makes ’em look so fancy. So shiny. I’m gonna get one so I can write down my deepest innermost thoughts.

*Opens journal. Starts to write.* Hmmm. Nothing’s coming to me. Damn writer’s block. I hate that. Why you blockin’ me bro? What do you have against writers and why are you invisible? Silence huh? Well, nobody blocks me you blockhead. I’ll just journal about you.

Dear Diary. Today writer’s block tried to block me from your crisp white pages. But I don’t let bullies win. He’s a poopy pants which is why this entry sounds like a 2 year old rather than being in my usual 4 year old style. I hate that guy. Always blocking. Always lurking. P.S. I like your brass plate on your cover. So shiny and pretty. I like to touch it. Will you be my girlfriend? K bye.
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Zombie Tarot Cards

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Zombie Tarot Cards
Look at the Zombie Tarot Cards. What do you see in my future? Is it bad? Is it the death card? Worse? Ohhhh the undead card. That sounds worse somehow. I’m just gonna shoot myself now, cuz all that walking around that zombies do looks wayyyy too tiring.

The upside is, if the zombies rise up, we can all attach our fitbits to their rotting wrists and brag about all the miles we’ve walked. People would be all like, “Then why are you still so fat?” Two words. Thyroid condition. Yeah, so back off.
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The Legend of Zelda Tarot Card Deck

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legend of zelda tarot cardsTake a look into your future with this The Legend of Zelda Tarot Card Deck (Major Arcana). For $20 you get a sweet Tarot Deck inspired by The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It’s dangerous to go alone, take this and have a reading before you set out.

Each deck has 30 cards: 22 image cards, 5 information cards, and 3 blank frames to draw your own. I see a Princess in your future, maybe some awesome treasure and a fight with Ganon. I just like to go around breaking vases and collecting rupees, myself. That’s why I’m no longer allowed in certain stores. They always told me I was like a Link in a pottery shop.

More images below where you can see the amazing artwork.
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