Author: Artemis Winterford

Edward Scissorhands Scissorhands Prop Replica

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Edward Scissorhands Scissorhands Prop Replica
Fans of Tim Burton’s early work (aka putting scissors on Johnny Depp’s hands) will love the Edward Scissorhands Scissorhands Prop Replica. Those hands have scissors! Those are scissor hands! You always know how a game of rock, paper, scissors is going to end with Edward. He only has one play. Poor guy.

This 1:1 scale replica has been authentically recreated and detailed with incredible accuracy. I plan on using it to cut my hair so I can save money. It will pay for itself sometime in 2046. It measures about 24-inches tall x 18-inches wide and is limited to 500 pieces worldwide.

Alien Money Clip

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Alien Money Clip
This Alien Money Clip is all about the Benjamins son. Or in my case Washingtons. I lied. It’s currently holding bills of the Chuck E Cheese and Monopoly variety. Forget your cash register and put that in your sass register. Keep the change! It’s all good though. This clip gets me a free stay at the Ale-E-Inn. Haha. Little play on words there. Yes, my jokes are so bad I have to explain them. Whatevs. Dollar dollar bills y’all! No, really, can I pay by check cuz all I have is like two dollar bills? That’s all I have on me, plus an Amazon dash button for Snickers bars for some reason.

Sasquatch Metal Bottle Opener – I Want To Believe

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Sasquatch Metal Bottle Opener
Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, Yowie, Skunk Ape, Turd Burglar… Whatever you call him, the elusive hairy mofo is the stuff of legend. And guess what? Legends get bottle openers in their likeness. Like this Sasquatch Metal Bottle Opener. Just put your cap in Bigfoot’s chest and pop that top. Then report the incident and no one will believe you. Because that’s what Bigfoot does. He makes you look like an A-Hole. Thanks a lot you hairy, smelly freak.

Creepy Crawly Bug Teapot For Tea Time Terror

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Creepy Crawly Bug Teapot
Do you want one lump or two? Well, I don’t care how many as long it doesn’t have a hundred legs. This Creepy Crawly Bug Teapot is just filled with bugs on the outside and I’m pretty sure it is filled with bugs inside too, cuz that black bug-juice is just overflowing from the lid and oozing everywhere. Which kind of bugs me. Get it? Bugs me? How many bugs does it take to get that much “tea” anyway? I have no idea. I don’t want to know. I’m surprised there’s no tea-rantula. This is more of a beetle blend.

Set of 4 Skull Shot Glasses

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Set of 4 Skull Shot Glasses
Give me a skull full of the good stuff bartender! This Set of 4 Skull Shot Glasses will make every drink macabre. Gin and Tonic? I prefer Gin and Chronic if ya know what I mean. It’s what the doctor ordered. Doctor Feelgood that is. Don’t know much about him, but he operates on that one corner, near that one alley where cops won’t go. Dude keeps me all good. But I digress. These shot glasses are awesome. I pretend they are the skulls of my enemies. And my enemies are hard work and motivation. Line them up with these Sugar Skull Shot Glasses and drink your own skull off.