Author: Artemis Winterford

Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror

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Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror
I always look grim in this mirror. Don’t know why. Must be the lighting. More likely, it’s the two Grim Reapers on this Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror. Damn, I thought Guns N Roses knew how to rock, but they are nothing compared to Grim Reapers and Roses. Their concerts are to die for, cuz people are dying to get in. Anywho, enjoy admiring yourself in this Gothic archway of death.

Don’t be scared though. The seasons don’t fear the Reaper. Nor do the wind, sun and the rain. So you shouldn’t either. Go ahead and knock on that mirror. Ya know why?

Cuz you’ll be knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door! Or hell maybe. Death’s door.

Zombie Combat Academy Graduation Rings

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Zombie Combat Academy Graduation Rings
Damn, look what I just got! My Zombie Combat Academy Graduation Rings from VonErickson. Now I officially know how to kick zombie ass. I got my diploma and everything. The teachers all said I excelled at the whole kicking a zombie in the balls thing, but I needed work on shooting them in the head with a sniper rifle. Still, I passed. I told you I would too amount to something mom!

I mean,when the zombies come, I’m still gonna run and hide in the basement and hoard all of the food,while helping no one. But it’s nice to know I can deal with zombies if I need to.

Checkout the video below.
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Zombie Post Apocalyptic Journal

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Zombie Post Apocalyptic Journal
This Zombie Post Apocalyptic Journal will help you keep track of how fast the infection is spreading throughout the population. It is hand-cast using real crushed stone bonded with high quality designer resin. Ohhhhh. Fancy. It has 95 non-ruled, spiral-bound pages, which should be enough room for you to keep a decent survival journal, so that one day when the zombies eat you, some other normal human can find it and pass it on and on, until 5000 years from now they are worshipping you as a God and this is their bible. How sweet is that?

Alien Skull Ring – With This Ring I Thee Probe

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Alien Skull Ring - With This Ring I Thee ProbeAnybody else ever wake up the next morning after an abduction and find this Alien Skull Ring on your finger? And you’re not sure who your husband is, but judging by the burning in uranus, you know you had a hell of a honeymoon. Yeah, me either, I was just askin’.

I, the perverse alien dirtbag with a thing for hindquarter exploration, take you, puny human, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to probe, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

He asked me! He asked me! #blessed #sorebumforweeks #cantbeabindingcontract

Edgar Allan Poe Famous Quotes Mug

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Edgar Allan Poe Famous Quotes Mug
Drink up with my main man Edgar. This Edgar Allan Poe Famous Quotes Mug will be a fun and frightful read while you are having your morning coffee. In other words, Poe your coffee in this mug. That’s called wordplay son! You’ve been served! You been Poe-wned! I know what your thinking. Oh Poe he dit int just say that! Poe-lease! I did. I really did just say that. What are you gonna do? Call the Poe-lease? So they can stick me in the Poe-key? What, you think these jokes are hokey? Then why don’t you do the hokey-Poe-key and turn yourself about. Yeah, that’s what it’s all about! Yeah, that just happened! I went all kid’s song on your ass. Don’t be mad. You love me. I know you do cuz you drank that love Poe-tion I cooked up.