Author: Artemis Winterford

Beetlejuice Handbook For The Recently Deceased Book

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Beetlejuice Handbook For The Recently Deceased Book
Welcome to the afterlife. Here’s a pamphlet and here’s a book. Just browse through this Beetlejuice Handbook For The Recently Deceased Book and you will have all of the answers, so you can enjoy your afterlife. I think. Maybe it shows you the recently deceased so you can identify them. Like a who’s who of who ain’t alive anymore. I have no idea. It’s been awhile since I saw the movie.

It’s a pretty cool replica. I hope my name isn’t in there. That means my whole life was the same plot as The Sixth Sense. I’m dead people. Oh man, now I have to have a look in that book. I’m scarred. No, not scarred. My skin is beautiful, I just can’t spell. I’m scared.
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Gray Alien Stuffed Plush ExtraTerrestrial

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Gray Alien Stuffed Plush ExtraTerrestrial
WTF?! Hey you guys aren’t supposed to come until the dead of night. I thought we had a deal. Who’s your green friend? The alien Hulk? No, let me guess, he just gets UFO sick and spends the whole trip puking and turning green. What? Your supervisor? What’s he doing here? Checking out your prostate probing productivity? A trip P evaluation then. Hey Greenie, you ain’t the boss of me. Him yeah. Not me. HAhahahaha. That picture makes it look like someone yanked your UFO hat off your head.

OW! You really forced me down there. Oh, we’re starting already? Just lasered my pants right off huh. Well, I hope your supe gives you a good evaluation.

This Gray Alien Stuffed Plush ExtraTerrestrial also comes in green. One is the boss, the other the lackey. Two and a half feet tall. Life-sized!

T-Rex Toilet Paper Holder

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T-Rex Toilet Paper Holder
When I’m taking a Jurassic dump, I like to reach into the jaws of a mighty T-Rex to get my toilet paper. This awesome 3D printed T-Rex Toilet Paper Holder will make you roar! Of course that could just be the mighty roar of you battling your Stega-Sore-ass to get your stuff out. Seriously, fiber! I can’t stress that enough. Anywho, this TP holder will hook you up even if it’s coming out like a raging diarhea volcano. Which coincidentally is what killed the dinosaurs in the first place. True story. Mass (colon) extinction event! Look it up.
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Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace

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Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace
Well looky here. You are gonna be a regular Cate Planchette when you wear this Wood Ouija Board Planchette Necklace. Now all you have to do is tattoo a Ouija board to your chest, I’ll ask the spirit world some questions, put my fingers on the planchette and get some answers from the other side. What do you say? I’m thinking this is the only way I get to stare at and rub a chest for an extended period of time. All in an effort to contact loved ones on the other side of course. That’s all. No other motives. Hey, don’t judge me. You already had that thing around your neck.

Dragon Wing Makeup Cosmetic Bag

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Dragon Wing Makeup Cosmetic Bag
People, people! How many dragons have to die each year so you can have your Dragon Wing Makeup Cosmetic Bags? You are leaving thousands of dragons wingless to slither across the earth and never leap into the sky again! You are basically making them lizards! Hmmm. The world does need lizards. Nevermind. I guess it’s all fine. Plus, these bags are friggin’ cool. At least we don’t serve dragon wings up by the plateful during superbowls. So nevermind. carry on.
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