Author: Artemis Winterford

Coffin Instrument Cases

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Coffin Instrument Cases
These Coffin Instrument Cases are perfect if your band’s name is the Grateful Dead, or The Dead Kennedys, or… I can’t think of anymore. Must be the ADD I’ve heard so much about. And then promptly forgot. Where was I? Ohhhh there’s an orb in that image. Well, now we know there’s a ghost attached to this instrument case. Cuz everyone knows that floating dust particles are ghosts.

Maybe it’s Roy Orbison! Or ELO. You know, Electric Light Orb-chestra! I crack my self up like Humpty Dumpty falling off a wall. I’m a bad egg.
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Miniature Necronomicon Book Pendant

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Miniature Necronomicon Book Pendant
Wear this Miniature Necronomicon Book Pendant around your neck and summon some monsters and stuff. I tried that once, but the only thing I summoned was a big wet fart. Pro tip: Never mess around with this book. I thought it was a Necro-NOM-icon, as in om nom nom nom this cake is so good. Turns out it was not a cookbook. My mistake. I just wanted to summon a giant Oreo with stuffing the size of a backyard pool. I got that alright! I also got a giant tentacled monster from hell who was eating it.

Psycho Kitty Purse / Dice Bag

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Psycho Kitty Purse Dice Bag
That’s a bad Psycho Kitty Purse / Dice Bag. Bad kitty! No! This terror kitten is a purse or a dice bag. Your call. Just don’t complain to me when it rips your face off. Those eyes! They claw at my soul and lap it up like milk. Psycho Kitty! Qu’est-ce que c’est. Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa. Better, run run run run away.

He’s a psycho night-meow! Whatever you do, don’t introduce him to your kitty, unless you want a kitty shaped hole in your wall from where he ran the hell away.
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Zombie Cake Pops: Disgustingly Delicious

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Zombie Cake Pops Disgustingly Delicious
These Zombie Cake Pops make a nice change. For once I will be taking a bite out of a zombie, instead of a zombie trying to take a bite out of me. I’ll get your brains how do you like that? Fun fact: I thought Cake Pop was some weird Japanese pop music that I had never heard of because I never know about the cool stuff. Nope. They really are little cakes. That you can pop in your mouth! Here I come zombies. Your heads are mine.

Life Sized Coffin With Skeleton

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Life Sized Coffin With Skeleton
This Life Sized Coffin With Skeleton makes a great yard decoration, especially around Halloween time. Not sure why he is covering up his junk like he’s all shy. I mean we all know he has a bone…er. The question is why? Was it you who excited him or me? I think it was me. It wouldn’t be the first time a skeleton found me attractive. What? It could happen. Throw me a bone here.

Poor guy’s coffin isn’t quite big enough. That’s gotta be uncomfortable. Remember coffin making dudes, measure twice, cut once. I measure three times and cut loose. Foot loose! Then I kick off your Sunday shoes. Even if it’s Monday.