Author: Artemis Winterford

Cat Drinking Fountain

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cat drinking fountainGive your cat friends a neat fountain to drink from and stop making them drink from a dish. They just want to be like you and do things that humans do. This $1,250. cat fountain is all fluffy requires for his or her drinking needs.

All my cat would do with this is just bat her hands against the water a few times and then sit and look at me.

*I made you waste your money again human.*

It’s not a waste you little-. I bought it for me. Watch me drink from it. See?

*I made you drink from a cat fountain human. Your lives belong to me*

First off, I only have one life, not nine. Second-

*One puny lives for me to dominatez?*

What are you-?

*Hisssss! Enough acting brave for yourz blog. Into the room of living. I grow weary and haz need of yourz lap for nap timez.*

Looks like I have a new human fountain. Gotta go.
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Bone Jet (Joan Jett) Figure

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bone jetIt’s Bone Jet. And she really has a bone to pick with that guitar. This figure moves and the eyes light up. I saw her in concert once. Awesome show. The set list was great. She played:

I”mmmm a bag of bones,
Put another dime in the jukebox baby.

Followed by one from her days with the Runaways:

Hello Daddy, Hello Mom
I need some Ca ca ca calcium

Awesome night, but she’s getting older now. The last song was nothing but creaky joints that replaced the guitar.*Ow! My hip! I knew I shouldn’t have made fun of her.*

Zombie Peeping Notebook

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Zombie Peeping NotebookThis Zombie Peeping Notebook is a great way to sit on a park bench and creep people out. Write your masterpiece novel or poetry inside. Or just random observations. Make sure that you pause every now and then to peep through the eye holes at passers-by. Tell them their brains look lovely today. Then start following them. Then get maced through the peep holes. Then get tazed when the cops show up, because the notebook is now stuck to your face and you are stumbling around screaming because your eyes are on fire.

Yeah. Maybe just use this notebook at home.

Scary Superhero Nutcrackers

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nutcrackerSuperheros are all about cracking down on crime and that means cracking bad guy nuts when they have too. So superhero nutcrackers make a whole lot of sense.

These nutcrackers from Etsy seller ARTBYBART are pretty scary looking. And the all have balls for fists. I see a freaky nut/ball pattern here. Not saying this guy has peen on his mind, just saying it seems weird because I obviously have it on my mind. Let’s just leave it there. I got more issues than DC and Marvel combined. You don’t want to be flippin’ through the pages!

Click through for more, including the Joker, Wonder Woman and Optimus Prime.
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Not So Hot-Wheels: Grit The Zoom Dino

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dinosaur carSweet custom ride! This Dino-car is called Grit The Zoom. Although the seller says he won’t zoom because the wheel got misshapen during cooking. Yeah, you can’t put Hot-Wheels or any other kid car in the oven. Just because they are called Hot Wheels doesn’t mean they forge these things from fire. Happens to the best of us.

Hey, if dinosaurs had evolved wheels, we would all be in fear of the highway and they would bitch about the cost of Jurassic Parking. It would be a world where dinosaurs zip up and down the road snapping at each other with long necks and jaws of steel, getting into all kinds of Tyrannosaurus wrecks. Humans would be forced to mop up the messes. As usual.