This Skeleton Jacket is perfect if you are in a skeleton gang. My gang name is Bonez Inc. Straight outta calcium. Word! My crew runs wild. You’ll know it’s us cuz of them bones on the outside. Upper east side son! Skeletons for life! Gonna bone your wife!
Category: Creep Wear
Costume Bat Wings
Hey, get behind me and hold my hips for a sec while I put these Costume Bat Wings on. *Cue the music* “I’m flying, Jack! I’m flying!” Like poison ivy. Wait, she doesn’t fly.
Everybody is always like, “Grow a pair!” or “Why don’t you man up and grow a pair?” Man, I wish I could. If I could grow a pair, I would grow a pair of bat wings like these and then I would flap them together so fast and lift up and do ballerina moves so gracefully. All I’ve ever wanted was to do the bat-ballet.
Yo! That right there is why you need to grow a pair. Ya sissy!
*Startled out of my ballet as I twirl with my arms against my chest! Begins to sob. Lip quivers. Then I pull myself together.* Fair enough!
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Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants
Etsy seller floridxfauna is crazy about skulls. They are also coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs and likely have Pac-Man fever, but that’s beside the point. Check out these Skull Crystal Pendants. They make me feel like an archaeologist, except I didn’t have to dig all day to find one, only to discover that the damn thing has magic occult powers that the Nazis want. I hate Nazis!
Fun fact: You know how kids get words wrong? Yeah, I was the kid who shook my dice cup and screamed, “Nazi!” For some reason that was the last game of Yahtzee ever played in my house.
Victorian Cemetery Necklace with Tombstones
Now you can wear the dead around your neck with this Victorian Cemetery Necklace with Tombstones. RIP man. RIP. That means Rotting In Progress right? That’s what I always thought it meant. Seems legit. This necklace has a pretty creepy cemetery scene with some gravestones and a spooky old tree.
Did I ever tell you about my house that I bought for a dollar because it was in a graveyard? No? Turns out it’s called a mausoleum and I wasn’t supposed to be there. I thought that realtor looked like a bum! That’s okay. I totally flipped that property and sold it for $10 to another bum. WINNING!
Freaky Mummy Earrings
Is it just me or do these mummy earrings look like plain old dead rats that somebody wrapped up in tea-stained toilet paper? I’ve had dead rats wrapped in TP attached to me before, but that was at a run down gas station. Never walk into a broken down old gas station bathroom covered in potato chip crumbs and peanut butter from your beard to your gut. Especially if it has a crazy-ass rats nest inside.
I hear mummy rats at in fashion this season. Everyone’s wearing ’em. Maybe even your own mummy. I feel like these guys need a sarcophagus gift box. Then they would be complete.
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