Any zombies in the house? Raise your hands! You in the back. Your hand just fell off. Some skin on your cheek too. Show of zombie hands, who wants this awesome Undead Zombie Hands Ring? Umm, look it’s hard to count you guys when your limbs keep falling off. And some of you are raising some hands that have already fallen off of other people. Some of you are raising feet. Whatever. I lost count. It’s really not worth it. Just wanted to show you all this cool ring, but half of you don’t have a ring finger. Guy in back who just raised a weiner in the air, I know the difference between a finger and a dinger! You guys are gross. I’m out.
Category: Creep Wear
Tooth Fairy Anatomical Teeth Bracelet
Through its clever use of dental related hieroglyphics, this Tooth Fairy Anatomical Teeth Bracelet tell the story of the tooth fairy. I think. It could be a horror story about a lonely dentist with two weeks to live and nothing to lose. I have to research it more. But it has teeth all over it. I know that much. It’s enough to make you bi-cuspid curious right?
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Voodoo Top Hat And Staff
This Voodoo Top Hat And Staff is sweet. Makes me want to twirl that hat and bounce it on my head as I shake the staff and kick into a musical number. That’s the kind of voodoo I’d do, but who do voodoo when you can just watch Hulu? With a fellow named Sulu? Or Cthulu? I have no idea, but that’s actually a good question. I’ll think on it while I’m wearing my cool Voodoo pimp-daddy hat. Smoking my fine cigar and stroking my python. I know that sounds wrong, but stroking your python is so fun you don’t wanna stop. With this hat you can get away with it. Stroke it all day if ya want. No one’s gonna tell you to stop.
Nice Kraken! – Cthulhu Leggings
These Cthulhu Leggings put squishy and colorful tentacles all over your legs. They also accentuate your kraken if you know what I mean. *Checks myself out in the mirror.* Do these leggings make my Cthulhu look huge? No? Good. Gotta say, that shot of them head on kinda makes your lady parts look ferocious. I was gonna flirt with ya, but no effin way! My sea ship doesn’t need to be attacked by your she serpent!
On another note, everyone makes such a big deal out of Cthulhu, but he puts his pants on one tentacle at a time just like the rest of us. I ain’t impressed. Okay, I am impressed by just how many legs his pants actually have. And that when he wears them he looks like a spiky pufferfish with many arms.
Sterling Silver Vampire Sugar Skull Necklace
Sugar skull huh? Let me take a lick! Hmmm. Tastes like metal, but I do like the texture. Guess I gotta supply my own sugar. Nah, I don’t, cuz this Sterling Silver Vampire Sugar Skull Necklace is gonna look sweet on you ladies. Sweet as sugar. I mean, I guess a man could wear it too. No shame in that game. If you get it as a gift just make sure you say fangs. It’s only polite. Fangs you very much!