Category: Just Plain Weird

Mad Max Style Leather Wallets

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Mad Max Style Leather Wallets
These Mad Max Style Leather Wallets are pretty cool for when you need to pay with cash in the wasteland. Wait, I thought bottlecaps was the agreed on currency of the apocalypse. I’ve been saving them for years. You people better not change it now, cuz I don’t care. Even if just the lights go out, I’m paying for my stuff with bottle caps. Bottle caps and all of the kidney stones that all those bottles of Mountain Dew gave me. I figure a kidney stone is worth about 50 cents on the market, so by my calculations I’m a apocalypse millionaire.

These wallets are full of bad ass skulls and sinful stitches. Nobody’s going to mess with you when they see this wallet. This is the wallet of a cold killer. A bad sumb itch. A warrior. A Gothic Goliath. A guy who has all of his cash and cards organized just so. That’s a real mans wallet right there. *Hides my My Little Pony themed wallet and acts tough.*
Read more “Mad Max Style Leather Wallets”

Arachno-Crafts: Spiderweb Skulls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Arachno-Crafts Spiderweb Skulls
Spiders are making skulls now guys! These Spiderweb Skulls are some real web-heads. I’ve heard that if you sit real still, while a spider is on your head, this can happen. The spider is basically 3D printing your head. These come in black and white. Pretty cool.

No, not really. Just the thought is creepy as hell. If you ever go outside and see a spider web in the shape of a skull, run. Don’t look back. Just run and never stop until you get to another state or country. Hopefully a place where they know how to kill spiders. Then alert the authorities about the web, so they can destroy it before the spider turns it into a full fledged skeleton. Because once something like that gets animated through black-spider magic, there’s no stopping it. It’s just a web skeleton piloted by a spider sitting in the cranium area, snacking on a fly, walking through our neighborhoods. Creeping us all the hell out. Before you know it, they take over the world and create a nightmare World Wide Web of darkness and destruction. *Shudders* It can happen. Are you ready?
Read more “Arachno-Crafts: Spiderweb Skulls”

Jesus And Germs Soap Dispenser

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Jesus And Germs Soap Dispenser
This Jesus And Germs Soap Dispenser says that we have to wash our hands and say our prayers because Jesus is everywhere. True that. He’s especially in those big buildings with the stained glass and pointy tops. Oh yeah, they’re called churches. Well if Jesus wanted me to wash my hands, he wouldn’t have turned all of that water into wine. That means he wants me to wash my hands with wine. Which means that wine is great for washing my insides free of germs and sin. Which in turn, is why I drink from my dad’s wine bottles and then top them off with vinegar. Last night my dad got real drunk, but smelled all feminine fresh.

Anywho, Jesus is everywhere. Even on this blog, shaking his head, but laughing at my antics. Dude loves me. I can get away with anything. Except for that hooker and the trunk full of blow incident last year. Trust me, Moses and the burning bush reads a whole new way after God smites you with a mega STD with crabs piled on top.

Freddy vs Jason Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Freddy vs Jason Mask
You know, I like Freddy. I also like Jason. But these guys are two-faced. This Freddy vs Jason Mask proves it. Secretly they’re the same guy, doing like twice the murders we thought they were doing. What other conclusion can you come to? This reminds of the other night when I ordered half pepperoni on a pizza. You got a pizza face Freddy! I don’t even care if you slip into my dreams. It has to be said. Now it’s out there. I hope I made you cry.

You made me cry Freddy. The last time you invaded my dreams. I cried for like a week. Giving me a wedgie with underwear that was giant trampoline material and throwing me up and down all night really sucked! *sniff* You really hurt me Freddy. Don’t show up tonight when I close my eyes. I’m gonna need some time. *Sniffle*

Vampire Hunter Journal With Stake And Cross On Chain Bookmark

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

vampire hunter journal
Vampire hunters have all the coolest gear. Sharpened stakes, garlic, fancy crosses that burn vampire flesh, and journals like this awesome Vampire Hunter Journal.

First entry- Dear diary, today I staked a vampire. I mean, I staked out his lair. I didn’t have the courage to go inside and stake him. That pale and goth looking creepy son of a witch has to pay for his late night feeding on innocent women at the local clubs.

Two days later- Getting my courage up now. He rises when the sun goes down and sleeps in the day. Gonna do it tonight.

The next day- I did it! I did it! I broke into his house and staked him while he slept in his coffin. Well, he was sleeping in a normal bed for some reason. And he didn’t turn into ash when I drove the stake in! What have I done? I think I just killed a random goth teen! A quick examination of the room turned up a bunch of Hot Topic receipts. Also, an inspection of the home revealed parents sleeping in the same house too. I think I’m in big trouble now. This will be my last entry. Vampire hunting isn’t for me. I don’t want to go to jail…