Category: Just Plain Weird

Victorian Skeleton Wearing A Steampunk Bonnet

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Victorian Skeleton Wearing A Steampunk Bonnet
This Victorian Skeleton Wearing A Steampunk Bonnet is pretty cool. Shelley the Steampunk skeleton sells seashells by the seashore. I just said that fast three times and totally aced it. Yay me! My words are working great today. *Ignores the skeleton and whispers to the bonnet.* Did somebody put a bee in your bonnet? I know right. There’s a b in your bonnet. Get it? A real biatch. Don’t tell her I said so. I just don’t like the way her gears are grinding at me. She scares me.

You’ll go nuts for this statue. And bolts. And gears. And rivets. You got a lot of brass showing up here lady! Get it? Brass? Steampunk and brass? Now I wanna see the Terminator arrive in Victorian London and wed her. Then they could give birth to baby skynet and kill us all. Get on that Hollywood.

Zombie Cubes: Zombies Squared!

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zombie cubes
Stack up some Zombie Cubes and build a cool Zombie fort. Fun fact of the day and behind the scenes tidbit: I almost typed Zombie Pubes. Was gonna leave it, but then I figured zombie pubes are probably the first thing to fall out once you get bitten by an undead psychopath. If they don’t need ’em on their privates, I don’t need ’em in my paragraph.

These little cubes are hand painted and each zombie has its’ own personality. Squished it, toss it, stack them up and knock them down. Just like a real zombie, no matter how much abuse you throw at these, they will retain their original shape, even if crushed. Stack’em, whack’em, thwack ’em, straight up attack ’em. Pubeless monsters!

Alien Space Dog Remains

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Alien Space Dog Remains
You know how it is. You’re out zipping through space in your Hot Rod UFO, your space dog’s head hanging out the window, when suddenly Fido has to take a leak. And since you don’t want him lifting his leg in your newly upholstered UFO, you have to make a pit stop. On Earth. But you encounter a lightning storm and you crash. Then some hick finds your alien corpse and your Alien Space Dog Remains. That’s an embarrassing way to go. Your remains are in the hands of those lower life-forms that you have probed endlessly.

I say, you got what you deserved space scum! And if my butt-hole wasn’t so messed up, I’d kick your alien keister! But I have to hit the toilet like now before I erupt! That’s your fault. And stop leaving your dogs all over our planet! *Farts as I run to the bathroom*

Anyway, damn their space dogs are ugly. Big brains though. I bet when you put a treat on it’s nose, it just telekinetically lifts it and carries it into it’s mouth. That seems like something a freaky space pooch would do. At least they are evolved enough to ASK if they can hump your leg. Probably cuddle it after too.
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Scary Grim Reaper Statue

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Scary Grim Reaper Statue
He reaps what he sews. I’ll say that much for the Grim Reaper. Sorry if that sounded stupid. I’m just acting like I know what that phrase means. He is grim though. Why so grim? You know, you could be a Happy Reaper. It’s all about having a positive attitude. I guess it’s better than being a Prim Reaper. You don’t want to be all prim and proper, otherwise no one would come with you. Say, what are you doing here anyway?…. Oh poop.

Update:
Hey guys. He said he’s gonna let me finish this article before he takes me wherever he’s taking me, because I was so cool with him. It’s really neat here. It’s all black smoke and a void. I’m typing with my mind from another plane. JetBlue I think. Maybe Southwest! Ha. I still got it, even in the afterlife. Plane of existence you dopes.

Anywho’s I meant to talk about this Scary Grim Reaper Statue. I dare you to put it on the back of your toilet and every time you sit there you can act like he’s massaging you. Ha ha ha! He’s not sitting, he’s dead-itating! Ha ha ha ha. BRB guys. Back. He didn’t think that was funny. He’s a real grump. I’ll find my way back to you guys, I promise.

Let’s Make This Brief Underwear Notes

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Let’s Make This Brief Underwear Notes
Leave notes on a pair of underwear. Let’s make this brief Underwear Notes. People pay attention to a note on a pair of tightie whities. Other notes? They just crumple up and throw them away. Although I think they should have some yellow stains and look a little crusty. Maybe have some fried chicken grease. You know, just for realism. Maybe that’s just me. Perfect for notes like: PICK UP SOME UNDERWEAR! or CRAPPED MYSELF: JUST FYI or WE NEED MILK, DON”T BE A WIENER! then draw a picture of a wiener escaping the undies cuz you’re totally grown up, but it has to be done.

People always ask me, boxers or briefs? And I say I prefer my boxers in briefs, otherwise both fighters are gonna have two dangling arms hitting each other below the belt. I don’t really wanna see that. It’s already too much man on man action for me.