This Light Switch Switchplate tells you to sleep well, because you will likely be dead in the morning. I find it comforting, but that may just be because that’s the same thing my wife says every night. She crazy.
Pro tip: If what happened in Vegas really stayed in Vegas they wouldn’t have wedding chapels. Trust me, what happens in Vegas? Sometimes you bring it home. Because you don’t have enough pain and misery in your life.
Are all Zombie Head Magnets present and accounted for? Let’s take a head count? Who’s the head zombie here? Oh, you’re all heads. Nevermind then. Carry on. I’m gonna head out now. No offense. You all are welcomed for the heads up.
Put these magnets on your fridge and scare people so they don’t steal your food. Your fridge will look good, but don’t let it go to your head. Ha! I got one last head joke in. You needed another like you need a hole in the head, but still.
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Spiderweb Bookends. I already have my own. It’s called not reading and allowing spiders to decorate. The webs hold my books in place, while all of the dead flies aka spider juice boxes insure that I will never ever touch a book again.
I would listen to books on audio, but I got spiderwebs in my headphones too. What? I don’t use my stuff a lot! And once the spiders get to it, I ain’t using it. And I can’t listen to the books I like out loud, because they usually involve the Scottish Highlands, a dashing open-shirted rogue and the enchanting young maidens who fall for him.
I didn’t do it! Don’t look at me. I was just sipping my morning coffee. It looked like normal mug when I started. Took a few sips and BOOM. Baby bump. Now it’s a Pregnant Lady Cup. Great. Now I’m gonna have to be responsible for several little baby cups. I can’t even take care of myself. Guess I’m gonna have to move back in with mom and dad. I think she trapped me, but what can you do?
This clock/watch looks like a giant freaky spider. No. Just no. If I had this $16,000 – $18,000 clock in my home it would always be the same time: Time to kill spiders, time to wig the hell out and hide in a corner and then time for this thing to die once I work up enough courage to stop whimpering and hit it with some junk mail like I have a limp wrist!
I don’t ever want to know the time again. *Leads the pest control guy into the room and points*
You sure you want me to spray insecticide all over that?
Just spray it. Stomp on it and take it with you! DO IT NOW!
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