Category: Just Plain Weird

Weird Scented Crying Candles

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Weird Scented Crying Candles
These Scented Crying Candles look like they’re crying when lit inside of their decorative bases. Crybaby! Cry candle! Go ahead and cry for your mommy! Ya dingus!

These candles make me sad. Not really. I like having somebody to bully by candle light. Wipe those tears ya pansy! *Crying myself. Talking all raspy in cry-voice.* It’s what daddy used to say to me. So shut up. Crybaby. You don’t even know….

Syke. *Points and laughs at candle.* Quit yer crying Jon Cryer. You cry so much you’re like a Terminator from Cry-berdyne? Are you Cry-net, trying to take over the world with tears?
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Crazy Baby Octo-Fetus

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Crazy Baby Octo-Fetus
Octo-Fetus doesn’t need us. It just wants the human race out of it’s fetus face.

Here is the sonogram of your new baby. Would you like to know the baby’s sex?

*Stares with mouth hanging open. Shuts mouth with hand. Turns to wife.*

You told me you and Cthulhu were just friends. That explains the day I came home early to find his tentacles all over you. He’s a licensed masseuse you said. Didn’t put one tentacle where it didn’t belong you said. Well, he put something somewhere.
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UFO Beaming Up A Cow

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UFO Beaming Up A Cow
Hey cow, you’re drunk. Go home! You are supposed to go INTO the beam and be lifted into the UFO so you can be cattle that’s mutilated. Not cattle that’s dry-humping a beam of light and threatening to put the alien craft off kilter.

*UFO falters and rocks. Alien looks out of a window. Ducks back in to make some adjustments. The cow moos and climbs up higher. The craft stalls and falls sideways with tractor beam still on. The tractor beam uproots a tree and sucks it into itself, impaling the craft. Lights go out. Beam flickers and shuts off. Cow just walks off like it’s just another UFO on it’s kill list.*

Nightmare Before Christmas Zero Life Size Glow in the Dark Sculpture

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Nightmare Before Christmas Zero Life Size Glow in the Dark Sculpture
This Nightmare Before Christmas Zero Life Size Glow in the Dark Sculpture looks like that dog from that movie, from that guy with the weird hair and weird wife, that he just divorced cuz his heart belongs to Johnny Depp.

What up Zero? Why so negative? It’s like you are null and void. Empty. Nothing to say? Well, thanks for nothing.

Get it? Because zero.

Whatevs. It’s almost 9 AM. Oh Danny boy….The booze, the booze is calling…

Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra
Gravity is a Biatch! Sometimes you need a little help. Like from this Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra. It helps hoist your hooters just like the package says.

Say, I wonder if they make this for pizza/beer gut. Right now I’m using a sophisticated pulley system with suspenders. Let me know if any of you guys have any solutions. Besides the obvious, which is “stop being a fat ____!” I already heard that one. Many times.