Category: Just Plain Weird

Crazy Food Marionette Puppets: Watch My Hot Dog Dance!

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

Crazy Food Marionette Puppets
These crazy Food Marionette Puppets from pocketlamps are awesome and freaky. I wanna get one just so I can make my wiener dance around and sing. Maybe put on a one man show. I would call him Wiener Schnitzel. It would be the worst. Bratwurst! The reviews would say, “That is one hot dog!” and “I relished the whole thing.”

There’s also a Hamburger and a pretzel. I gotta go write my script. I am gonna bring Broadway crashing to it’s knees and weeping to make it stop.
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Sarah Squid Seems Sad

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Sarah Squid Seems Sad
Sarah Squid Seems Sad. Maybe she’s mad, I can’t tell. I’ll say this. She’s well dressed for her period. No, I just mean she’s dressed in period clothing. Not saying it’s that time of the month. Although, judging from that grumpy look… Am I right guys?

*Gets slapped by a suckered tentacle and knocked to the ground.* No, I’m just saying that style is period appropriate, you know- *Smack. Gets face full of squid ink.* Hey that ink is red. You really are- *Smack!* Staying down this time ma’am.
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Knock-Jaw: Cast Iron Skull Door Knocker

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Knock-Jaw Cast Iron Skull Door Knocker
The Knock-Jaw: Cast Iron Skull Door Knocker lets guests take matters into their own hands when they hit your doorstep. By matters, I mean they take this skeleton’s jaw into their hands and knock on your door. Maybe you can leave some nuts out so they can crush them in this guy’s mouth and have a good treat.

Real nice. Someone shows up at your house and you tell them to eat your nuts.

Hey, I never had guests before. I’m doing my best. Maybe set out some tiny wieners?

In that case, maybe you should just stand outside naked.

Yeah well… Maybe that’s why I invited you over, so I could have a tiny wiener. Snap! Burn son! Oh, that didn’t sound good did it? You’re probably leaving now right? Yeah, a bit awkward. Now I get why the only people who come to the door are UPS guys and random people with bibles.

Undead Tooth Plush

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Undead Tooth Plush
There’s nothing worse than an undead tooth creeping around your house, probably pissed off because you used some string attached to a door handle to yank it out. Now it just floats around in ghost form and torments you.

Makes my mouth hurt just looking at this bloody disgusting thing. I’d tell it to go toward the light, but it already did that when it left my head. Where’d you go Tooth? I got a water pistol full of listerine. If I can’t get a dentist to exercise you, I’m gonna at least get all the funk off ya!

The Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar

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The Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar
That thing you have in your kitchen? That’s not an advent calendar. This is the Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar. I gotta stop right here. Time out. I admit, I have no idea what advent calendar means, but my fifth grade education wants to say it involves adventure and time. The answer? DOCTOR WHO? Am I right? Do I get to take a ride in the TARDIS? No? Well, screw you too BBC. I would make an excellent companion. I’m leggy, elegant, always up for adventure, look great in a skirt and I can work a sonic screwdriver like a pro because it’s all about the wrist action and a confident motion when the Doctor puts it in your hand.

Uh… Is everyone as creeped out as I am right now? Yeah, I can totally see why the BBC wouldn’t choose me. I need to use words better.

Look, all I know is that it’s fun to open doors and see what the next Halloween surprise will be. Is that it? That’s what an advent calendar is? I feel kinda let down to be honest.
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