Category: Just Plain Weird

Break Up Beans Grow And Leave A Break Up Message

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break up beans
Before I saw this, I thought break up beans was just a fancy name for my windy butt stuff, because it has always been a relationship ender for me. Pffffffft-squuuueeeeek! Followed by her saying, ” I think we should see other people. Like starting now. I mean, I should see other people. You should see a doctor.”

Nope. Turns out Break Up Beans are $5 Lima bean plants that have had the seeds engraved with ‘It’s Over’ and ‘Let’s Be Friends’. The phrases appear on the plant’s first set of leaves. They also come with phrases that are all about love too. $5 for beans? I’ll let my butt do the talkin’ for free.

Sugar Skulls Are Hauntingly Sweet

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sugar skull cubes
Sugar skulls. One lump or two? Huh? One lump or two? Look, I don’t care how many bumps it has on it’s head, just drop it in my coffee so I can get mah buzz on like a caffeinated bee. Caffeinated bees are like spelling bees, only much much louder.

Spell “profane”. *Bloodshot eyes wide as hell and twitchy.* PROFANE, P-R-O-F-A-N-E PROFANE. *Forehead veins bulging.* I WILL USE IT IN A SENTENCE. “IF I DON’T WIN THIS F***ING BEE, I’M GETTIN’ ALL PROFANE UP IN DIS BIATCH!” WHERE’S MY COFFEE?
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Plush Spider Baby: Made From The Souls Of Your Old Toys

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plush spider babyDo you have a bunch of old toys that you would like to re-animate? Cool. Etsy sappymoosetree will work some strange cultist magic and turn your old toys into a kick-ass plush spider baby. Not sure if that involves zapping it with lightning or not, but once this thing comes to life, all of the toys in your house are dead.

And since it will have the souls of all of your old toys and the ones it just ate, it will be an unstoppable force of evil. It may even mutate again all on it’s own. If this thing wanders into a Toys R Us we are all screwed!
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Day of the Dead Skull Measuring Spoons

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skull measuring spoonsNo bones about it, these Day of the Dead Skull Measuring Spoons are perfect for when you’re making creepy cupcakes or terrifying treats. They’re in the Calavera style. Calavera is a representation of the human skull made from either sugar or clay, which is used in the Mexican celebration of the Day of the Dead. Bam! You just learned something new.

That makes me a teacher. A sensei. A guru. Luckily I hate learning as much as you do, so it’s recess time. *bell rings* Who’s up for a game of kickball? Oh, I see you started without me. Seriously? I’m still getting picked last? As in not at all? Be that way. Your loss. I was gonna bake a cake and bring it to class, but now I’m just gonna buy one pre-made and cry-eat while I grade your homework. So really, typical night.
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Jason Voorhees Coffee Table

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jason voorhees coffee table
Looks like Jason Voorhees was finally put to rest. Inside of this Jason Voorhees Coffee Table. Little known fact. Jason once worked at the grocery store, where he first became known as a slasher. Price slasher that is. That man could knock 3 cents off a can of beans, tag it with the price gun, and you would swear you got 10 cents off. He was that good. That was before he traded in his price gun for a machete.

This killer coffee table comes from Australian company Slaughter FX and it will slaughter your wallet, like your wife suddenly had octuplets and all you have to your name is a Ford Pinto and your paper route. It’s not a time I remember fondly, but there was no way I was gonna let her pin those grabby little Cephalopods on me. That’s a whole other story.

Anyhow the Slaughter FX website lists the table as being sold out, but maybe you can beg them to make you one. They are $600 with a glass top, and $500 without.
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