Category: Just Plain Weird

The Anatomy of Yoda

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

yoda anatomyJudge me by my blood and guts do you? This Yoda anatomy figure puts the Jedi master’s insides on display since you don’t have the power of the Force to use x-ray vision. Sadly, it looks like it is already promised to a buyer.

Just like that doughnut in the shop they wouldn’t let me have yesterday. Shoulda tried to force-lift that tasty morsel into my mouth, but who has the energy for that after downing two doughnuts already? Yeah, my Jedi training on Dagobah would involve a lot of standing still and summoning food my way. I’m a blubber, not a fighter. X-Wing out of a swamp? No thanks. Twinkie out of the box? I WILL return to complete my training.
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Life-Like Baby Groot From Guardians of the Galaxy

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baby groot sculptureSomebody paid $20.99 including shipping, for this life-like Baby Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy movie. I can’t believe I missed bidding on this! You supply the music and baby Groot will supply the dance moves.

Children’s Book: The Night Dad Went to Jail

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The Night Dad Went to Jail
Now you can explain to your children why daddy went to jail. Next you can explain why he is a dirtbag, followed by why he never paid child support. It’s probably too late to get the book explaining why daddy didn’t wear a condom.
Anyway, you have to love some of the Amazon reviews on this children’s book:

Simple explanations…works well with children. It helps tremendously in explaining and helping children to understand. I will use it over and over…

WTF? How many times are you expecting that loser to get locked up? This next review sums it up nicely.

Can someone tell me why I would want to buy this for my child if it were true? How about retitling it “Daddy is a dirt bag loser and he’s never allowed to be around you ever again”! I can’t believe someone actually thought this was a good idea. It’s no wonder our society is declining so rapidly and there are no morals, ethics, humanity, or taking responsibility for one’s actions. Books like this definitely do not help the societal crisis we’re experiencing these days!

Amen brotha! Gotta go now. It’s visiting day at the joint and I’m supposed to deliver a two word message from my mom to my dad. How do you say F U nicely? She would tell him herself, but she lost visiting privileges with that whole shiv in a cake incident.

Creepy Trash Cans

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

creepy trash canYou talkin’ trash? U mad bro? I’m talkin’ trash. Etsy seller Artbytoast has some creepy/cool hand painted trash cans that will eat your garbage. They might even burp afterward. I should probably get one. This bachelor lifestyle is good and all, but I’m kinda sick of the whole “shovel by the pile of garbage in the kitchen corner.”

I mean, it isn’t that much of a hassle to open the kitchen window and shovel trash into our backyard garden like I’m powering a locomotive with coal, but I think it might be time to upgrade to an actual can for trash… Then I can just dump it all into the garden in one go. Yeah, I’m gonna spend the $40. Just as soon as I buy a few more video games.

The seller has several weird trash cans to choose from. Click through for more images.
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Grinning Teeth Dog Balls

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Grinning Teeth Dog BallsGo play with your ball. Stop smiling at me! Stop grinning at me, I said. Where’d you get such pearly whites? I better not get a bill from some doggy dentist. What’s so funny? Are you laughing at me?

Oh, it’s just a ball that makes you look like a grinning idiot. And they hold dog treats inside too? I’ll have to get grandpa one. Instant teeth, plus he will look happy for once, like he’s enjoying my company, when I visit him in that rest home I dumped him in a decade ago. He’s so ungrateful. I basically gave him a house full of maids, to serve him dinner and wipe his saggy old butt.
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