Tag: bathroom

Vampire Soap On A Rope: Skull On A Rope

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Vampire Soap On A Rope
Don’t be a Transylvanian dope, use Vampire Soap On A Rope. That way you’ll never drop the soap.

*Lathers up with my Vampire head. Singing “Fat Bottomed Girls” and feeling great. Feelin’ clean and refreshed as sunlight filters into the shower as day begins. I hold my Vampire soap up proudly just as sun beams hit it and then scream horribly as the Vampire face melts in my hand and drips through my fingers. Runs screaming out of the shower.*

*Sits in the corner shivering and dripping, traumatized.*

I should know better than to use Vampire soap in daylight.

Toilet Yoga Book

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Toilet Yoga Book
Finally, something to keep me occupied while I’m laying pipe. This Toilet Yoga Book titled “Toilet Yoga (Because Sometimes Sh*t Doesn’t Happen)“, will help you get your business done. It’s full of poses that will help you poop if you’re having trouble launching a Cleveland steamer. It goes well with the Squatty Potty.

I’m guessing some of those poses have names like Downward Facing Dookie, or the Caca Cobra. This book might just help me to reach a place of zen. Rather than my usual place of grunting and cursing like a sailor.

The Squatty Potty

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squatty potty
By now you’ve probably heard about the Squatty Potty. I’m a few days behind. You might say I got backed up. Heh! That’s a little poop joke to keep things flowing. The Squatty Potty is a stool that helps you get the poop out. Especially if you are a constipated unicorn. Essentially a stool that helps create another stool.

What’s next? A Squatty Bicycle? I can’t wait. Bicycling just relaxes me. Just ask any road cleaning crew. If I can peddle while on the toilet, I’m gonna win the Tour de France with no underpants.

Mr. T say “Don’t be a fool. Use a stool!”
Read more “The Squatty Potty”

Skeleton Restroom Door Cover

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Skeleton Restroom Door Cover
We’ve all been there. You’re minding your own business, reading the paper, trying to lay some pipeline when somebody opens the door. Hey. What the hell! That’s how this skeleton feels. The Skeleton Restroom Door Cover captures all of the excitement of skeletons pooping and lets you relive the scene all day long.

Hmmm. That headline reads, “Peeping Tom on the loose.” I think they mean this guy.

Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle

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Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle
This Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle should be given out as an award to those who have logged the most time on the throne. Ha. Logged. I crack myself up. If you consider the toilet worthy of decoration, get yourself a gold shark. Man, I gotta get one someday. You know you’ve made it when you have a gold shark on the sh***er.

Like they say at the end of French movies….

Fin!