Tag: bathroom

Cthulhu Tentacle Tub Drain Stopper

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cthulhu tub drain stopper
In this episode of Bathing With Cthulhu….Man, this Cthulhu Tentacle Tub Drain Stopper is reaching through your drain and will stop at nothing until it is grabbing and strangling your man-junk full throttle and pulling your ripped off manhood down into the underworld. Why? Don’t ask me. I have no idea what goes through the minds of ancient evil entities.

I just know it wants your junk and it will get it. Apparently greenish bathwater helps attract it. Peeing in the water might help. So yeah, I’m probably safe. It’s the first thing I do when I have a bath. Hey, it’s relaxing. You don’t want me to strain my bladder trying to hold it, do you?

Zombie Hand Drain Stopper

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zombie bathtub stopper
This Zombie Hand Drain Stopper is perfect if you like your bath water red. Which I do. Hey, nothing gives you soft skin and a warm glow like soaking in a bath of Hi-C fruit punch and Cherry Kool-Aid. Diabetes. You’re soaking in it.

You think this hand will massage my feet and tickle me while I ladle sugar drinks all over myself? Nevermind. Just saw those fingernails. Looks like we have some fungus among us. I know you’re already dead and all, so would it kill you to get a manicure? No. No it wouldn’t.

Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper

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Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper
Damn that’s nasty. This Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper makes it look like a shark has swam up your bathtub pipe after a ferocious and bloody meal and just kinda got stuck there. Now he’s just hanging out, enjoying the suds from your bubbles, while you two make small talk. Hopefully he doesn’t get loose and start swimming toward your junk.

“What do you have detective?”

*Hovers over body in tub* “This is the second one this week. We appear to have a serial killer. One that likes to eviscerate nads while the victim is enjoying a nice bubble bath. Nothing else is touched. When he finishes his work, he drains the water and with it the evidence. Notice the blood wiped on this guy’s lips. It’s as if something very small and very bloody kissed him afterwards, all ritualistic like. Sicko!”

Fin!
(Haha. Get it? It means the end. Also shark fin! I rock. No…. I Rock Z. Ha ha. I did it again. Like the car. Iroc Z. Other writers can suck it!)

Monster Shaving Kit

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monster shaving kit
It’s been like two weeks since I shaved, so I probably need a Monster Shaving Kit. Something that’s going to eye me up while I lather up the shaving cream in it’s head. Are you giving me the stink-eye monster? Cuz your eyeing me up and it reeks in here. Oh, sorry. That was me. I farted.

You are one scary piece of pottery my friend. I say that because of the glazed look you’re throwing in my direction. You’re making me nervous. Ow! Now you made me cut myself. I’ll just catch the droplets with your head. Uh-oh. Should you be bubbling all evil-like when blood collects in you? Like you are about to come to life? This is not good at all.

Tentacle Toilet Paper Roll Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

tentacle toilet paper holder
I’ve been grunting and groaning for like an hour here. Even completed like 3 crossword puzzles. Time to wipe. Wanna lend me a tentacle here Cthulhu? Ah, thanks bud. You take good care of me. You’ve seen things in this room that would shock lesser beings, but you always come through.

This Tentacle Toilet Paper Roll Holder is ready to serve up butt-paper whenever you need it. I like to shake his tentacle after, just out of respect. Give it a little fist bump, followed by an explosion. I like it. He complains that I didn’t wash my hands first. He’s got a point.