Tag: bizarre

Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears

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tell it like you jean it
Hey lady, nice jeans. *Bats eyelashes.* Thanks, I guess I’m just drawn that way.

Why buy jeans when you’re just going to get holes and tears in them? Why buy jeans with holes and tears in them already? You can just buy these Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears. The jeans are fake and so is all of the wear. Plus they look sexy as hell. Hey, I like a good cartoon butt as much as the next guy.

Cartoon butts just make me nuts!
These jeans don’t house no Pizza Huts.

Stuffed crust. Thin crust.
These butts don’t care.

They’re looking good in cartoon wear.

Underpants Wallet

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Underpants Wallet
I think I’m gonna get this Underpants Wallet so that the next time I have to make a Doritos run at 3 AM, I have something that matches my outfit. Which is cheeto-stained underwear and an unbuttoned flannel shirt. Oh and flip-flops. Hey, “No shirt, no shoes no service.” Even I have to follow the rules, despite being a blogging rockstar.

I’ll also have two Slim-Jims my good man. The clerk will be pleased I have a less sweaty place to hold my cash. Cuz that flannel shirt has no pockets.

UFO Beaming Up A Cow

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UFO Beaming Up A Cow
Hey cow, you’re drunk. Go home! You are supposed to go INTO the beam and be lifted into the UFO so you can be cattle that’s mutilated. Not cattle that’s dry-humping a beam of light and threatening to put the alien craft off kilter.

*UFO falters and rocks. Alien looks out of a window. Ducks back in to make some adjustments. The cow moos and climbs up higher. The craft stalls and falls sideways with tractor beam still on. The tractor beam uproots a tree and sucks it into itself, impaling the craft. Lights go out. Beam flickers and shuts off. Cow just walks off like it’s just another UFO on it’s kill list.*

Deer Anatomy: A Deer In The Stomach

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Deer Anatomy
Oh deer. Or is it a doe? I can never tell. Doh! Is that a deer in your stomach or are you just happy to see me? This piece of art called Deer Anatomy is all about eating a deer whole. And then letting that deer relax in the enchanted forest that is your gut.

So that’s what that rumbling was in my stomach. My deer is always super hungry.

Feed meeeeeeee!

Shut it deer!

Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra

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Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra
Gravity is a Biatch! Sometimes you need a little help. Like from this Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra. It helps hoist your hooters just like the package says.

Say, I wonder if they make this for pizza/beer gut. Right now I’m using a sophisticated pulley system with suspenders. Let me know if any of you guys have any solutions. Besides the obvious, which is “stop being a fat ____!” I already heard that one. Many times.