This is not your grandmother’s cross-stitch. I know, because I asked mine about this Krampus Cross Stitch and she screamed bloody murder and started ranting about the Christmas Devil. Then banned me from visiting her again. The legend of Krampus must include a trip to the Doctor’s office cuz he’s always sticking his tongue out, waiting for the doc to take a look. Open up and say ah Mr. Krampus. Hmmm have you been getting enough sleep? I would ask you for a pee sample, but last time we tried that, your pee of fire melted the sample cup and nearly burned down my office. Let’s just call it the flu shall we? Good? Good. See the receptionist for a prescription.
Tag: myth
Krampus Christmas Wreaths: Ho Ho…No!
These Krampus Christmas Wreaths are pretty cool. Ho Ho No! They are from Etsy seller FantasyClayFlowers. Krampus punishes naughty children during Christmas. Not to be confused by my grandfather aka Grampus, who likes to take his teeth out and torture kids on Christmas. Fun fact: I always thought Krampus was spelled Crampus and only came out once a month so that women could torment men as revenge for cramps. The wife’s been nice for awhile, so basically, myth busted.
Hmmm. If you get a tramp stamp of Krampus, you have a Trampus. Something to think about. I’ll give you one, you give me one, cool? Hey! You gave me Grampus! WTF! Not cool!
On second thought, they do kinda look the same. Except Krampus has teeth.
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Shimmering Hologram Mermaid Tail Skirt
Well call me Aquaman and slap me with your mermaid tail, you have one fine set of fish fins. No, don’t really slap me. I hate getting slapped with fish. It happens more often than you might think. This Shimmering Hologram Mermaid Tail Skirt is all kinds of sexy. Say, why are mermaids never actually maids? You never see Ariel cleaning up the house, dusting all the knick-knacks and doing laundry, having to hop in the shower or the kiddie pool every 15 minutes to keep her mermaid skin wet.
I’m gonna start a mer-maid service and get a whole stable of mermaids to clean rich people’s houses. What’s the name for a whole group of them? A gaggle? Heh. More like a waggle, judging by the way they sway their hips when they swim. A maraude. That’s it. A maraude of mermaids. A mess. A masquerade. A mirage. See, now I’m just grasping at scales, which usually ends with a mer-tail slapping my face. Which I usually deserve.
Cthulhu, Krampus, and Bigfoot Sweaters
Halloween is almost here and you know what that means. Yep. My dentist and your dentist are gonna be going to Hawaii in their new private jet. Meanwhile I’m all about cruising through traffic on my moped, trying not to pass out from tooth pain. Was probably that Twix bar and Neco wafer salad I had for lunch.
Also, it means wear a sweater. It’s getting downright cold. And since it is the season of weird scary creatures, try one of these sweaters from Middle of Beyond. These pullover sweaters and cardigans have patterns featuring Cthulhu, Bigfoot, Krampus and more.
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Cthulhus in Love
At night I askkkkkkkkk the starssssss up aboveeeeee…Why must I be a Cthulhu in loveeeeeeeeeeee? That was such a sweet song. Too bad anyone who knows it is limping around with a cane right now and bitching about their hip. I only know it because I know the language of love. I’m a real Casanova.
More like Casa”NO”va.
Who said that?
Me. Your long lost Cthulhu-mate. We are Cthulhus in love.
At last I’ve found you. *tears* You were always the only one who never went insane around me. I- I love you. Does this mean that you will finally show yourself and be more than just a voice in my head?
…hello?
…Is it me you’re looking for?
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