Unleash your inner Frankenstein with these freaky and cool Frankenstein Boots. It’s alive! It’s alive! Yeah, but does it have a soul? No, however it does have a sole and some cool bolts on the side. I usually slip mine on, then tighten ’em with a wench.
A wench?
I mean a wrench. Sorry. Was thinking about Frankenstein’s wife for a sec. She forgot to pack me a lunch today and Dr. Frankenstein is very annoyed.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Socks. My motto is, “Comfort food makes comfortable clothing”. That’s probably why I just found a spare hot dog in my shirt pocket. *Yeah, whatever. Is that cake in your underpants?* No, but it is homemade.
Anyway, guess what time it is? It’s Peanut Butter Jelly time. *Dances around in my PB and J socks. Stopping to grab a knife so I can spread some peanut butter and jelly on the appropriate socks, then gets back to dancing, crushing slices of bread everywhere and making like a hundred sandwiches all mashed up together.*
*Breathing hard. Leaning against the wall.* Peanut…butter…Jelly…tired now. *Falls on sticky white bread dance floor*
Use a skull to shave your skull. You hairy-skulled beast! The Skull Shaving Brush is a scary, yet elegant way to shave that man-beard off. Me? I haven’t shaved for like 2 years. I’m going all biblical on your arses. I went outside the other day to fix the walkway and the kids next door were all like, “Hey Moses. Nice stone tablets. You broke your own 1st commandment: Don’t be a fat loser!”
That’s okay, because the night before I did his mom and I’m pretty sure I left her with a burning bush. Also when she got a little rough and squeezed my man junk, I shouted “Let my people go!”
Yeah, so f**k that kid!
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Herman Hammerhead loves poo. He is a dog doo doo bag who actually looks fairly terrified at what he does for a living. He is the perfect accessory for those long dog walks when fifi has the runs.
Herman Hammerhead honestly hates horrible heated hemmorhoids. Ha. They all start with H. Now I feel like I’ve accomplished something today. Other than 10 complete games of solitaire and continued unemployment. Take that, “The man”! And my fifth grade teacher who said that all I would ever be was a “Professional Jackass”!
It’s like he traveled into the future and read the blog!
This Reborn Freddy Krueger Doll is crazy demented. Well, now that he’s been reborn maybe they can raise him up right this time. Teach him not to slash people and invade their dreams. If it’s true what they say, that children are our future… We are all f***ed!
Being reborn hasn’t improved his skin any. It’s called proactive for a reason Freddy. You gotta be proactive about it. I mean come on Fredster, are you your parents newborn kid or a botched Dominos pizza? What, you gonna come for me now in my sleep? Come at me bro! Come at me! I got a medicine cabinet full of uppers and I ain’t afraid to use them!
Read more “Reborn Freddy Krueger Doll Was A Nightmare On Womb Street”