Tag: etsy

Fleece Sloth Animal Hat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fleece sloth hat
This Brown Fleece Sloth Animal Hat will keep you warm, but it will take all damn day to do it. Do you have any idea how slow Sloths are? They’re full of slow slothhy sloth-ness, which is a medical condition. You would have to tell this hat, “Hey, I’m going out next week and it’s going to be cold. I’m gonna put you on my head now. So get your s*it together and start placing your arms in ear-warming and scarf positions now.”

It might be ready by next week if you’re lucky. What the hell is the Sloth’s problem? It’s so damn chill and slow. The stoner of the animal kingdom. Are there no predators you are worried about? Speed it up man! Even I got predators. What’s that? Oh right. Those are creditors. Always get them confused.
Read more “Fleece Sloth Animal Hat”

Speculum Bird, Nuff Said

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

speculum bird
A-well-a, everybody’s heard about the bird. Bird, bird, bird, b-bird is the word. I can’t be certain, but I think the Speculum Bird has a gynecological office somewhere in LA. The ladies seem to like him, even when he is feeling peckish.

This art piece is for the birds and is apparently based on a dream the artist had. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go have a nightmare.

Wine-O-Saur Wooden Dinosaur Wine Racks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dinosaur wine holder
These Wine-O-Saur Wooden Dinosaur Wine Racks turn your wine bottles into decorative dinosaurs. Wino meet wine-o-saur. Drink up and let the good times roll until your sobriety is good and extinct. I’m more of a Whine-O-Saur. Maybe a Dine-O-Saur.

Hands off that Wine-O-Saur. That wine is… Mine-O-Saur. Gonna drink it with a Min-O-Taur. Until three-0-four. A.M. Then I’m gonna sleep all day because I’ve earned it.
Read more “Wine-O-Saur Wooden Dinosaur Wine Racks”

Last Supper Clothing: Surprisingly Doesn’t Cost 30 Pieces Of Silver

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

last supper skirt and shirt
Dining with Jesus? Wear this Last Super Skirt and Dress! Hey Jesus. What up? Should be a good meal. Did you order yet? I hear the fries are awesome here. What? Nah, it’s just a dress. Doesn’t mean anything. Chill dude. How about turning my water into wine here?*gulp* Gotta be honest. Tastes more like vinegar.

Well it’s been a slice. Gotta go. Hey let me take care of the bill. No, it’s my pleasure. Passes some silver to the guy behind me.
Read more “Last Supper Clothing: Surprisingly Doesn’t Cost 30 Pieces Of Silver”

Joker And Henchmen Clown Mask Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

joker henchmen clown mask
“Why so serious?” Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you waltzed in here and just robbed my bank wearing freaky clown masks. Look, I’ve only been bank manager for less than a week. You think you could rob somebody else so I don’t lose my job? I’ll even give you a sweet low interest loan Mr. Joker. A great mortgage rate? You know what? F**k it. I’m gonna get a mask just like every other freak in Gotham and I’m gonna start robbing people. The Batman can’t catch us all right?

These limited edition Joker gang masks based on The Dark Knight movie are no joke. In fact, they look pretty scary. (Fun story. I accidentally typed “Joker bang masks” and I saw images of naked people in my head. Wearing these clown faces. All piled on each other and gyrating.) These $766. masks are form fitting and will transform you into one of the Clown Prince of Crime’s many henchmen. You should be fine as long as you don’t, you know, wear them to your bank, or while boarding a plane and whatnot. Check out Joker mouse over here for a good laugh at the clown prince of crime.
Read more “Joker And Henchmen Clown Mask Set”