I used to be a fat bat, but now I’m slim and loving life. It’s all thanks to my new no eating all-guano diet. Check out my before and after. Oh so sexy. Who needs wings anyway. Got myself a nice thigh gap now.
This Bat and Bat Skeleton Paperweight is gonna look great on your desk. It’s a good reminder to keep going with that diet. But you know, not forever. Just sayin’.
This Skulls Belt Buckle is pretty appropriate for me to have over my junk cuz it’s like a graveyard down there if ya know what I mean. I get less action than there is on bingo night at an old folks home. It’s all good though… No, it’s not. Dear God, I’m so lonely. I just need some love. Why doesn’t anyone love me? Oh yeah, it’s probably cuz I post weird stuff on the internet every day and chicks just don’t understand. Maybe this belt buckle can turn my game around. Getting rid of the suspenders and bow tie would be a good next step too.
So that happened. Now you know what it looks like when an alien takes a relaxing bath. It looks like this may be the elusive Cheeto species of alien, so I’m surprised he didn’t dissolve in the water. Anyway, now you can own your very own Alien In A Tub Figurine. The water even glows under a black light. I’m glad his Cheeto alien privates are underwater. I don’t need to be seeing an alien Cheeto d**k! Hmmm. Maybe that’s what a bag of Cheetos is: just a big bag of alien d**ks! Let that sink in.
Get yer head screwed on right with these cool Phrenology Head Brooches. Get your head in the game. Be the head honcho. Play some head games. You can consult your brooch whenever you need to know what part of the head controls what. Make your headway with your life. You know what I’m saying? Now I gotta head on outta here. Later peeps.
Have yourself a morbid meal with this Morbid Decay Skeleton Handle Silverware. I think I used these once when I was invited to dinner by the Addams Family. Just FYI, they really are creepy and kooky and altogether ooky. You can buy a skeleton handle spoon, fork or a knife. You can also get the whole set of 3. I MUST have these in time for Halloween. They are really going to slay my guests.