Tag: fun

Harry Potter Skele-Gro Bottles

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Harry Potter Skele-Gro Bottles
I don’t know much about Harry Potter, but these Harry Potter Skele-Gro Bottles are neat. Something about mean adoptive parents, an owl that delivers his mail, Dobby the house elf, flying car, broomstick sports, something something Voldemort.

Will it make my skele grow? I have no idea, but I’d be willing to give it a shot, until my skeleton pops out of my insides and becomes my outsides. I’ll probably drink it and find out it doesn’t work and that I’ve been boned. That sounded bad. I mean scammed. Bamboozled, hoodwinked. Not boned. And certainly not against my will. I’m just ribbing ya. I’m sure everything will be spine.

Zombie Octopus Necklace

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Zombie Octopus Necklace
This Zombie Octopus Necklace is pretty cute, but how in the hell did he become a zombie? What? Zombies ran out of humans to bite and just started swimming, turning the sea life into zombies? His past is questionable is all I’m saying. Sort of like my own. Never ask me about the summer of 94 and that trip to Jersey with a tranny tied up in the back of the truck.

Hey, I said never ask me about it!

Fine, I was working for Pep Boys and delivering a transmission to Jersey and it took me like 2 days to get there. Sheesh. What’s with the third degree? I had to tie the transmission down in back cuz it had already fell off once and killed a deer. Almost killed the Jersey Devil too.

Oh…you thought I meant tranny. That’ll teach you to assume. Every time you assume you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. Heard that one in grade school.

Gothic Gargoyle Cufflinks

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Gothic Gargoyle Cufflinks
These Gothic Gargoyle Cufflinks are gonna look great at that big shindig you are planning on attending soon. Whatever a shindig is. Sounds painful in the legs. You know what else is painful? Wearing a stone Gargoyle on each cuff. That’s what the mob calls it when they attach concrete to your hands and drop you in the river. Cement shoes. Concrete Converse. Sometimes Gargoyle cufflinks.

“You know too much. Vinny, fit this guy for some Gargoyle Cufflinks and give him a little boat ride.”

“No! I swear I never stole your mama’s Marinara recipe! Don’t kill me. Don’t kill me. Just curious, why Gargoyle cufflinks? Why not just a bag of cement on each hand? I swear I’ll never cross the Transylvanian mob again. Please! You guys are friggin weirdos!”

Classic Movie Monsters 8 Bit Pixel Art

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Classic Movie Monsters 8 Bit Pixel Art
This Classic Movie Monsters 8 Bit Pixel Art is scary. Video game style monsters just freak me out. I’m gonna decorate my house with these guys and pretend I’m in a video game with them. I’ll be all Sonic, running super fast and they’ll be doing their slow monster shuffle. Then my mom will probably turn the game off and tell me to get to school just like she did when I was a kid.

These days she turns my internet off and tells me to get a job. Then she uses phrases like “40 years old” and “Do you enjoy living in your mother’s basement?” She needs to get her priorities straight and focus on work, so I have a place to live. Damn.

Mythical Monster Postcard Set

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Mythical Monster Postcard Set
Send your friends a postcard that says, “I believe in these mythical monsters and so should you.” This Mythical Monster Postcard Set includes Bigfoot, Wendigo, the Loch Ness Monster and ‘El Chupacabra. Sending a postcard is like giving your friends their own sighting. In their mailbox.