Tag: fun

Wine Bottle Life Preserver Cover

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Wine Bottle Life Preserver Cover
I wish I had one of these Wine Bottle Life Preserver Covers for that cruise I took last summer. And by cruise I mean single fat white dude floating down a river in an inner tube, hugging a bag of Doritos and a bottle of wine.

The water got pretty rough and upended my bag of chips and I lost that bottle of wine as I helplessly floated away. I shouted, “Man overboard! I mean Booze overboard!” but there was nothing I could do but cry and mourn as the water carried me away. So needless. Such a senseless loss. Next time I’ll be prepared. Might even have pants on too. But not likely.

Calamityware: Disastrous Dinner Plates

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Calamityware Disastrous Dinner Plate Dishes
You know those old plates that your grandmother had? The ones with the cobalt blue patterns, with floral designs and landscapes? These are like those plates. Only cooler. Don Moyer creates this line of Calamityware dinner plates. They have all kinds of weird and disaster type themes like flying monkeys, a UFO attack, giant robots and giant sea monsters.

See grandma! My plates are way cooler! Even if I can’t feed myself cuz I’m an adult man-baby. Where’s my mac and cheese already?
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Dragon Shoulder Companion

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shoulder riding dragon
Is that a dragon on your shoulder or are you just happy to see me? Maybe a little of both, since I’m always happy to see someone with a plate full of french fries. *Grabs a bunch. Feeds some to my Dragon Shoulder Companion and stuffs the rest in my mouth. Sits down across from my dragon-less friend.*

Yes you can take my order. I’ll have enough raw meat for two. *Waits. Meat arrives* Do your thing Drago! *Dragon shrieks and breaths fire, cooking our meat and burning my dragon-less friend to a crisp. Everyone runs for the door.*

So how have you been? You’re looking a bit ashen. Why so quiet? *Taps him on the shoulder. Burnt jaw falls to the table.* Time to get out of here Drago. Bad Drago. Our dead friend is not food. C’mon we gotta stay one step ahead of the law. And the fire department.
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Val Kilmer Paper Doll

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val kilmer paper doll
You loved him in Willow. You hated him in Batman. Now is your chance to dress Val Kilmer up anyway you like and make him look like a sissy-boy thanks to this Val Kilmer Paper Doll.

Just like mom did to me. Sadly, some of that stuff looks like it came from my closet, but whatevs. I look way better in that striped “smock”. It’s not a dress. It’s a smock. For a schmuck.

Have Val Kilmer in the palm of your hand with this unique paper doll set. Perching a hat, or a bow on his head, and marvel at how softly his hair falls on his shoulders. Explore his body with two dimensional dresses, slacks and bathing suits. With so many outfits and accessories to choose from, you’ll be wishing you and Val wore the same size.
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Apple Watch For Poor People

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apple watch for poor people
Sweet! An Apple watch that I can actually afford! Looks close enough to fool people from like 2 miles away too. I’ll probably still have to upgrade this one every friggin’ year!

The down side is that it breaks super easy, which is okay with me because I can’t even figure how to tell the damn time on it. Maybe one of those genius dudes can explain it to me. You know it’s awesome cuz of how thin it is.
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