Tag: fun

Ouija Cutting Board

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

ouija cutting board
Hey look! An Eatja board. Clever word-pun for a Ouija Board cutting board. You can remind yourself of that little laugh when you cut your finger on this thing while chopping vegetables as your blood runs into the various letters spelling E-F-F-I-N-G…O-U-C-H!

I like to slap a piece of steak down and cut a hole in the middle, then place my fingers down gently and watch that flesh move across the board as I look for guidance on my meal. *Meat moves* H-A-V-E…A…S-A-L-A-D!

The other side really is full of evil!!!! GET OUT OF HERE SATAN! *Throws board in my grill and lights it on fire. Uses fire to cook steak.*
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Eye Necklace

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Eye Necklace
I’m gonna give this Eye Necklace to my wife so she can say what she always says. “Hey, my eyes are up here. Wait-!”

“That’s right, your eyes are in fact just where I was looking! Ha! Now I can look at boobs and your eyes at the same time. I win! I have found a way around that age old response!”

“Really? Have you found a way to pull your balls back out of your stomach after I kick them?”

“Uh. Not yet. Let me get on that and get back to you.”

“And stop looking at my eyes!”

I Got Brain Skull Candle Holder Set

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Brain Skull Candle Holder Set
This I Got Brain Skull Candle Holder Set lets you burn brains as candles, while inside of skulls. Hey I got brain too. Nah. I lied. I can’t brain today. I can barely even adult.

The seller’s name is Brainfart55. Is that your ask or your IQ? Hahahahaha. Both? Cool. Nah. I kid, I kid. Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to draw a hot bath and burn some brain candles.

*Falls asleep in the tub*

Wakes up to see all of the gooey brain mass dripping out of the skull and jumps like 10 feet! Jeebus Christ! I thought someone had been shot! This is why I can’t have relaxing baths!

Octopus Hoodie

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Octopus Hoodie
I love that show with the transforming and ink squirting octopi. “Ink squirters. More than meets the eye.” Octo-mus Prime is my favorite. Wait. I’m mixing stuff up again. Which usually starts with mixing meds. I have no idea what I’m saying, or even where I am half the time, but if there is one thing we can agree on it is this: Octopussy was not the best James Bond flick, but it had the best name.

Another thing we can agree on? That this Octopus Hoodie is the coolest effin hoodie in the hood any day of the week. (Almost typed day of the weak which is everyday for me.) Don’t believe me? Then I’ll shoot you with my Glock…topus. Son.

I’ll leave you with this bit of wisdom: You kids think tats are awesome and all, but Octopus wrestlers were getting inked long before it was cool. Think about it.
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Garbage Pail Kids As Adults

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garbage pail kids as adults
Damn. Garbage Pail Kids is real peeps! My wife is all like, “Yeah I know. I’m living with one.” And I’m all like, atom bomb exploding from the head. St. Louis-based photographer Brandon Voges and digital imaging artist Jordan Gaunce worked together to create these real life GPK. I mean they could have just sent a photographer to my house, but whatevs.

These are the Garbage Pail Kids as adults, thirty years later. Pretty cool. GPK. It’s a lifestyle baby! You just can’t stick me on the fridge.
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