Dinosaurs With Jobs Coloring Book

dinosaurs with jobsWorried about illegal aliens and robots taking all our jobs? What you should be worried about are dinosaurs taking our jobs. Like that T-Rex that works as a janitor at my local mall. He can sweep and mop just fine, but he spends most of the day asking for help picking stuff up off the floor. Stupid stubby T-Rex arms. Affirmative dino action. What are you gonna do? Dinosaurs are getting all our jobs whether we like it or not. Damn DNA cloning techniques.

Anyway, now you can celebrate dinosaurs with jobs with this awesome coloring book that I am way too excited about.

It Does Exist!: Loch Ness Monster Salt & Pepper Set

loch ness monster salt and pepper setSweet! This Loch Ness Monster Salt and Pepper set will complete my mythical creature salt and pepper shaker collection. I already have Bigfoot, the Chupacabra and Mothman!

I thought I saw the Loch Ness Monster once, but those humps sticking out of the water were just a family of overturned obese people in inner tubes. They went all sideways when I zipped past on my jetski. Haha! Take that you-

*slams against the side of a boat. Falls into water. Sinking. Snake like form swims toward me. Circles around. Farts. Then leaves laughing.*

Did I see Nessie? The nurses say it was the morphine, but I’ll always believe that Nessie saved me. He disrespected me for sure, but those farts brought me to the surface…I know what I saw. I know what I smelled.

Zombie Cutting Boards

zombie cutting boardThese zombie cutting boards are perfect for slicing and dicing. They are like a zombie killing manual for your kitchen, showing you where to hack and chop zombies for maximum damage. Basically these cutting boards make you an efficient disposer of walking corpses.

After the Kickstarter campaign completes successfully, (You know it will because zombies on a cutting board, hello.) they will create each buyer’s choice of zombie-themed cutting board or bread board. The thing is I’m not much of a zombie fighter. I’m more of a zombie go away as I hide in the corner, curled in the fetal position kind of guy. Sadly, they don’t have a cutting board depicting my particular cowardly style of dealing with rotting walkers.

Update: Now you can buy it from Etsy here.

via Technabob

100 Gallons Of Jello Wrestling Jello

jello wrestlingThere’s always room for Jello…wrestling. For $119. you can get this package which makes 100 Gallons of Jello for Jello wrestling. C’mon ladies, lets make some money! What do you mean it’s too cold outside? I have 100 gallons of Jello just waiting. Plus, I added marshmallows. I have my red cowboy hat on and everything!

Oh well, I guess it’s going to be Jello for dessert every night for the next decade. Help me get this stuff in the fridge. No, you don’t get to take any home! Hey, stop pushing me! Ah, my plan is coming together perfectly.

Alien Teapot: In Space No One Can Hear (Your Kettle) Scream

alien teapotTea time always ends the same way when you serve tea in this alien teapot. You sit down across from your guest, share some gossip, laugh, nibble on some biscuits and then it all goes to hell as an alien bursts from your chest, taking the tea cup in it’s own bloody grubby hand and smiling at your guest with razor sharp teeth. Tea party over!

Etsy seller richardsymonsart has quite a selection of unique teapots for sale, including the Zombie attack teapot which can be seen below.
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