Tag: gag gift

Realistic Severed Fingers Soaps

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realistic finger soap
La di da di da. *scrubbin’ away in the shower.* Oh that feels good. Can’t forget the butt crack. Wait a minute, whose- Oh it’s just my Realistic Severed Fingers Soaps. I thought I was going to have a problem there for a minute, but it’s my soap. I bought it. That makes it consensual. Still a surprise, but consensual.

I might consider melting these together so it feels like someone else is bathing me. Is that weird? What about putting a ring on one and pretending I am a blushing bride, just whisked off to my honeymoon in the Alps? The fire is blazing, the bath is warm and I’m innocent as can be as fingers gently wash my back.

Weird? Yeah, I’ll just stick with my fish in a bag soap.
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Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern

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big butt crochet
This Big Butt Buddy Crochet Pattern is exactly what it sounds like, a big crochet butt that will be your buddy.

Why you cheeky little-

Just talkin’ ’bout Butt Buddy.

You know what that means right?

Yeah, my buddy who is also a butt.

You mean your butt buddy?

Sure.

Ohhhhhh. Now I get it. Whatevs. I’m man enough to admit that me and my heinie homie are butt buddies.
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Special Occasion Diarrhea Toilet Paper

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diarrhea toilet paper
This Diarrhea Toilet Paper reminds me that the only dance I can do is the cha cha. As in Diarrhea cha cha cha. It has funny diarrhea phrases all over. Which beats having actual diarrhea all over it. I just like typing diarrhea. Cha cha cha.

Use it for those special occasions. Like when you actually have diarrhea. Might cheer you up.

Road Kill Toys: They’re In A Better Place Now

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roadkill plush toys
Road kill. There’s them that kills ’em and keeps on driving and them that eat’s ’em and thanks ’em for dyin’! Get yourself a snugly and cuddly creature who has been smooshed into a pancake with it’s guts sticking out. I’m getting one of these Road Kill Toys for my nephew. It’s educational. It will teach him to look twice before crossing the street. And make him cry.

These already-been-killed stuffed animals feature zipped sides that let you pack their spilled organs back in. Plus each one comes in its own clear plastic body bag. Nice!
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Mr. T Starter Kit

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mr t vintage gold chain necklace
I pity the fool don’t have no jewelry! I guess that means I pity myself since I pawned all of my jewelry after the A-Team was cancelled. Just didn’t have the heart to keep rocking that mohawk and wearing that bling if my main man T wasn’t on the scene.

Being a part of the Mr. T club can be expensive though. All of those gold chains cost a lot of cheddar. That’s why you need a Mr. T Starter Kit like this. It has everything you need for $36. and even arrives at your door gift wrapped in a classy purple Crown Royal liquor bag. Nice!