Tag: giant

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float

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Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float
This Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float reminds me of when I used to live in that place with the huge cockroaches and the backyard pool. I would turn the lights out, let them creep out in the dark and stomp all over these nasty buggers, then go to bed. In the morning I’d go out back to see the mice using their dead bodies for surf boards in the pool.

Okay fine. That place was this place. In the winter it’s the same deal, except they use the dead insect bodies as sleighs. *Doing my best Scarface voice* “F**king Cock-a-roach!”

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float

Giant 6 Foot Cockroach Swimming Pool Float

Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem

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Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem
This Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem has been sold, which is sad. But if you ask the seller real nice, maybe they will make one for you, that also has a drinking problem.

You have a problem Squid! This is an intervention. Get those tentacles up and give me the booze now! Oh, that was easy. Thanks. I needed this, because I’m actually the one with a drinking problem. *Glog glog* Well, not a problem really. I thirst. I drink. Then I think I have a giant squid in my living room. So I know you’re just an illusion caused by my choice of rum *hiccup*

I am notch drunk. Shut yer squid mouth or I’ll shut it fer ya. Check out dis new sport. Here lemme show ya. Stand still now. Is called Kraken smackin. I’mma mess you up. *Rolls up sleeves*

*Wakes up in the morning to find the whole house destroyed*

I think it’s time to admit that I might actually have a problem. But who the f**k splattered my walls with ink?

Giant STDs: I Didn’t Do It!

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plush stds
These Giant STDs are the same itchy, rashy and sometimes puss-filled creatures you know and love, but in cuddly plush form. Man, I get all itchy just looking at them. And now that I’ve had a closer look, I think I recognize some of these guys. We go way back.

Hey, it’s my old pal herpes. I’m just gonna drop by and say hi. Just mingle, I won’t be long. I promise. Cuz once he gets going, there’s no stopping him. After that I just want to say a quick and long overdue FU to Gonorrhea and then we’re out of here.

Giant Wifi Alien

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wifi alien
This Giant Wifi Alien is what hangs from the ceilings of UFOs. How else are you going to get Wifi when traveling through space, on your way to abduct cows and hayseeds? Looks like he has these two gals completely mesmerized.

Do not look directly at it, or it will psychically connect you with the great alien internet from another galaxy. And make you flash the peace sign while consulting your crystals and burning incense.

Gigantic Worry Eater: Great, Now I’m Really Worried

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plush worry eater
The idea behind this Gigantic Worry Eater is that kids can feed it their worries, fears, doubts, and anxieties. Just write down a worry or fear, shove it into its mouth, and zip its lips shut. Your worries are supposed to be gone. Problem is, this creepy, striped and head-tentacled monster is pretty effin’ scary. He’s gonna be the cause for any worries your kids have.

*Writing* Dear Worry Eater. Please don’t eat me. Please stop watching me while I sleep. Why is your fat body big enough to fit me inside? I hope this note appeases you and that in your great wisdom, you decide to spare my life. Signed, your victim for all time. P.S. Sorry for stuffing you full of dirty socks in an attempt to kill you and escape my torment.