The Octopus Toilet Paper Holder is like having extra tentacles for your TP. The only problem is that this guy won’t ever stop staring at you while you are taking an octo-dump. That’s an 8 minute dump for those who don’t know. Could also be used for a massive dump of 8 curvy logs that look like floating tentacles. Not that I would know. I don’t look at my poop after it leaves me. I’m not one for long and drawn out goodbyes.
Tag: home decor
Cthulhu Wood Bookends
Unhand my books Cthulhu! You tentacled tyrant! These Cthulhu Wood Bookends are ironically not the ends of books at all, but rather a tentacled monster to hold up your books. Some people are confused easily, so had to point that out. Better get one of these and get Kraken on your reading? Get it? Kraken? I know, lame. But this thing won’t look lame on your shelf. It’ll look badass and Cthulhu-y.
Blood Splattered Coffin Coasters
These Blood Splattered Coffin Coasters make every drink a morbid margarita, a deadly daiquiri, a corpsey cocktail, a macabre manhattan, a terrorizing Tom Collins, Death on the beach, a tequila of terror, a scary screwdriver, or a Long Island iced terror. Just set your drink down on one of these coasters, otherwise the wife will be putting you in a box and burying you six feet deep. Why do ya think I drink so much?
Skeleton Door Handles
These Skeleton Door Handles are awesome. Just grab some spine and come on in. It’s perfect for a chiropractors office. If you want customers to turn away the minute they get to the door that is. It must have been back-breaking work to create these. If I pull too hard on these, I’m not responsible for any slipped discs right? If I break these spines while opening the door, am I gonna be charged for breaking (spines) and entering? Okay, cool. I’m coming in.
The Graveyard Halloween Pillow
Normally you don’t wanna rest your head in a graveyard until you bite the big one, until you lay down for the big sleep, bite the bullet, buy the farm, kick the bucket, bite the dust, give up the ghost, shuffle off this mortal coil… But in this case it’s alright. You’re just visiting. And when you raise your head off of this Graveyard Halloween Pillow after a long nap, you can look back at it and laugh at death. Ha ha! Until next time sucker.
Isn’t the human language awesome? It’s called a graveyard, cuz it is a yard full of graves. But if I put graves in my yard, everybody throws a fit! Waaaa. That guy is creepy, that guy is sick. He’s evil! Where’d he get the bodies? It’s a health hazard! Stupid neighborhood laws. They’re just tombstones people! They just happen to have the names of my enemies. Oh you’re on my list now. All of you. My graveyard just grew by like 30 names. You want some of this? Let’s go! RIP in my yard. I mean RI PEE, cuz I pee in my yard sucka! So there. How do ya like that? Bring it!