Tag: horror

Severed Finger Candles

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Severed Finger Candles
These Severed Finger Candles will be perfect for any birthday cake that you want to give the finger to. Give it several fingers cuz you don’t give a f**k. I stared at this image of candles for like an hour already cuz someone flipped me off today behind a fence and I was trying to pick it out of a lineup. There! I finger that one.

If you will excuse me, I have to go now. I have a date with some finger food just as soon as I buy it with my five finger discount. Hopefully they won’t finger me in a police lineup. That sounded dirty. I apologize. Police only do that in dirty movies. Anyway, I give these candles 2 middle fingers up. It’s the highest honor I can bestow on them.

Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set

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Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set
Dracula, meet Van Helsing. FIGHT! This Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set is perfect for fans of Vampires and vampire hunters. I saw this set and just had to share it. You know, get it off my chess. I mean chest. I’m getting my words confused again. That happens sometimes, like that one time I told that lady, “Hey, nice chest set!” and got slapped. That was the last time I commented on a chess game. People are so touchy. She did have a nice chest set, but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, this is a sweet chess set for you eggheads who know how to play. My brain capacity maxes out at checkers. King me!

Post Human Vampire Skulls

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Post Human Vampire Skulls
These Post Human Vampire Skulls are gonna give me nightmares. Apparently these things were genetically enhanced to give them improvements over the average human. It’s like The Terminator and Dracula had a baby and that baby ate the world, draining one corpse at a time, then plugging it’s cyborg self into some receptacle and charging up. Still, dudes got a great profile. I’d kill to look that awesome in pictures. That’s like a quality yearbook picture from Killer Vampire Robot High. Picture like that will land you a sweet wife and an awesome job.

Unlike me. My picture landed me an angry wife and weird job blogging about strange and freaky stuff. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Anyhow I don’t think I could type without a woman screaming in the background anymore and the occasional object sailing past my head. NO, I WILL NEVER STOP USING THE FANCY DINNERWARE TO CUT MY SNICKERS BARS WITH A FORK AND KNIFE! THANK YOU FOR ASKING!
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Friday The 13th Jason Goblet

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Friday The 13th Jason Goblet
Raise a glass… I mean goblet to your favorite hockey mask wearing slasher. This Friday The 13th Jason Goblet features Jason’s mask so you can drink up with him, catch up, shoot the shizz and get good and drunk. I’m gonna see if they have a Freddy Krueger one and then one of you guys can come over and we can smash them together in toasts and make them fight all night long, until we’re slipping and sliding on all of that liquor.

Sounds like a good time to me. Just don’t rob me when I pass out. K? Don’t worry about all that booze on the floor. This happens every weekend. I just mop it up and fill up booze bottles again. No, no. I didn’t do that when you came over. It’s all cool. Nah. I wouldn’t do that.

Vintage Horror Scary Movie Poster Popcorn Bowl And Tumblers Set

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Vintage Horror Scary Movie Poster Popcorn Bowl And Tumblers Set
Now here is a gift I would love to get. This Vintage Horror Scary Movie Poster Popcorn Bowl And Tumblers Set is perfect for horror movie night. Horror movie night is when you are watching a movie and you suddenly realize you have no popcorn! NOOOOOOOOOO!

You get that cool popcorn bowl and two tumblers that feature cool scary movie graphics. You also get a 3 DVD set of scary movies. Each DVD has 4 movies. That’s 12 movies! So this set is perfect for anybody who needs a bowl and cups and also has no movies. So basically a guy sitting in an empty room looking sad. Basically me! I can’t wait to get this in the mail.