Tag: horror

Zombie Gnombie Statue

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Zombie Gnombie Statue
This Zombie Gnombie Statue is all undead and rising from the dirt. He gets bonus points for having stigmata marks on his hands. What up my homie from another gnomie? You just gonna stay silent wit yo zombie self? Aight, be like dat Aber-gnombie and bi*ch!

Why you crawling all up in my yard anyway? *Steps on his head and pushes him back down* Dat’s what it is. This ain’t no halfway house for horror gnomes. Pop up in somebody else’s yard else I’mma have to play whack-a-gnome! Ya get me? Aight! Peace! Don’t be leaving no gopher trails in my grass now!

You can find him here and here.

Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes

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Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes
This Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes will watch you like one of those paintings where the eyes seem to move. Stop looking at me Franky! The eyes can be any color LED lights you want. Trust me, it doesn’t matter what color you choose, it’s all gonna look creepy. I want to ask you something Dr. Frankenstein. Were those bolts on the side of the head really necessary? Are they holding up the foundation? Connected to load-bearing muscle mass or something? I really think you could have found an alternative to just using huge ass bolts. But what do I know? I don’t make monsters. I just marry them.

What? You thought that was a crack about my wife? I’ll have you know, I am an ordained minister and I work in Transylvania.
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JAWS Shoes: We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Shoe Box

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JAWS Shoes We're Gonna Need A Bigger Shoe Box
It’s time to slip your feet into some sharks. These JAWS shoes will be available this summer. My feet are fearful. My tootsies are terrified. My ten little piggies are bloody chum in the water! June 20th, 2016 is the 41st anniversary of the movie JAWS, so Sperry shoes are releasing a line of JAWS themed footwear. They will be available for order online as early as next month starting May 5th. They will be in retail stores soon after on June 9th.

The shoes are wrapped in blood-soaked tissue paper. Apparently, with each shoe purchase, you will get some postcards in the packaging. You can check out several of the designs here. Pretty cool. Great for sharkin’ around. One minor gripe. They really should have some fins so I can feel like I really have tiny sharks on my feet. That way, I can sing the shark theme while I walk and creep up on people like sharks do. And since my shoes can’t bite, I’m just gonna have to kick them really hard. Not my fault. It was the shark shoes. Not safe to go in the water? It is now not safe to go on the sidewalk. Blame my twin shark feet, both named Bruce.

Pose Skeleton Man – The Ultimate Action Figure

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Pose Skeleton Man
No bones about it, Pose Skeleton Man is the ultimate in skeletal action figures. He’s the original Skeletor. The original Jack Skellington. The best thing about this action figure however, is the fact that you can buy a lot of accessories for him. Like the office set, furniture for him, musical instruments, a pet skeleton dog, even a toilet set. Sweeeet! This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I love posing skeletons on toilets and role-playing them taking a dump.

Seriously, they have a ton of accessories.More than you can shake a tibia at. Best bony action figure ever.
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Cthulhu Chibi Doll Is A Real Terror Tot

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Cthulhu Chibi Doll Is A Real Terror Tot
Awwww look how cute? An ancient evil has awakened. A Cthulhu Chibi Doll. He’s cute, he’s naked and he’s mad. I would be mad too, if I was missing my low hanging tentacle. Poor guy has no pee-pee, but he has all of the other powers an ancient evil typically has. Hey, don’t judge my man Chibi Cthulhu. It’s not the size of the tentacle, it’s how you wiggle it around under your trench coat. Or so I’ve heard. The point is this little guy is adorable. I’ll try to stop focusing on what’s missing.

No. Can’t do it. Dude needs a wiener. Just drew one on my screen. That’s better. I feel like he’s complete now. I also feel like it’s called permanent marker for a reason. That dong is gonna follow me everywhere online just like the NSA.
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